DeafSparrowTheBlog

BOBBY FISCHER AGAINST THE WORLD

2012-02-21T20:54:00.000-08:00

Not that I can relate to people this brilliant...but...fucking awesome... Smart guy, weirdo, hero, anti-semitic jew, Fischer was truly one of a kind.

TAKE SHELTER - Crazy Eyes

2012-02-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

Michael Shannon has a face like he's about to poop gods...

SUBMARINE - Awww, that was sweet...

2012-02-21T20:42:00.000-08:00

I am a total sucker for this kind of well-done bullshit...

GOATSNAKE at HELLFEST

2012-02-21T20:38:00.001-08:00

Frank Herbert's Dune Novels, An Analysis: Part I - Dune

2012-02-09T19:29:00.001-08:00

Well, as you can assume, my sci-fi adventures and suck fans, I've been taking my time reading something. This mysterious something with irritating italics in places that don't make sense all of the time, is all of the original Dune novels written by Frank Herbert, throwing in the parody called Doon for my final analysis. As a whole, the Dune novels represent the most famous sci-fi series of all time. You've heard the hype, and maybe you've taken the plunge. Do you pretend it's all worth it, or, like me, are you aware of the truth that is Dune? See, yeah, there are good things, but let's face it, it's not as great as everyone thinks, but before I finally said it, I wanted to make sure I read them all for myself. I'm not even going to touch his kid's follow-ups, because by all accounts they're like reading Nancy Drew if your 30 sans penis touching from a female. Anyway, this is the first of a seven-part saga of my experience with all of these novels. I'm going to break it down with some brief history for each one, followed by a list of good things, and then the suck. The suck generally outweighs the good, unfortunately, as much as some may wish to not believe. You don't have to believe. And if you don't feel like reading all of my writing about the subject of Dune any further, do yourself a favor, don't try the books either. Seriously.

Our First Analysis: Dune

If you're not familiar with Frank Herbert, then you're not familiar with sci-fi. But if you are familiar with sci-fi, you'll often wonder why he's associated with it. Frank Herbert, as a writer, sucks. Like he really sucks. I read a number of his short stories before I got to Dune, and I hated almost every single one of them. The concepts were often high but poorly articulated, boring, and stuck on grand ideas without throwing in a bit of action. He's not really known for them, though, but his Dune series is supposedly the greatest selling set of novels in sci-fi of all time, though I'd debate that and like to see the numbers, but seeing as how sci-fi is notoriously never cataloged, who knows? Wait, actually, I do know, the Perry Rhodan series holds this honor, it's sold billions and I believe is still in print. Sorry, Dune.

At any rate, Dune was really the work that forever gave him an army of fanboys. Like any writer of fantasy or sci-fi, the author who succeeds really needs to be able to create a believable world that features lots of people, aliens, creatures, places, and the like. Influenced by the stabilization of sand where he lived while writing, Dune involves a massive-scale universe with a huge patchwork of cultures, creatures, characters, and places. And, as usual for a book that makes it big later, it wasn't such a success when it was first released. He was turned down by a number of publishers, one who supposedly, and prophetically suggested it would someday be famous. After finding a company that apparently published auto manuals, he pulled it off, and today it's still one of the most-printed sci-fi novels of all time and has won numerous awards. But does it deserve it? Is it a case of the 'popularity disease', where "fans" believe they truly love something by virtue of the fact that everyone else seems to also believe it should be so? Sadly, by my estimation, yes, though easily the best thing Herbert ever wrote that I've encountered, Dune is by far one of the most average works of science fiction I've ever read. It's kind of like Dracula to horror; everyone knows it, everyone likes it, but no one's really finished it and anyone who has says "what the fuck was that shit"?!! Let's break it down in list format starting with the good things.

Dune: The Good

Density. This is the kind of novel you really need to take the time to absorb. It comes with a set of awesome appendices that explain the ecology of the planet, some of the characters and their history, and also includes some fake historical documents relating to the universe you're entering. And yes, fans of the heady, it has a glossary.

Impressive background. It can't be said otherwise, Herbert put a massive amount of detail into his world with a few different planets, different ruling families, lots of characters, and a huge ecology on which his entire story is built, all taking part on the planet Arrakis, otherwise known as Dune. The work involved in putting this together is definitely commendable.

Cool, inventive features. Let's face it, the spice is a cool idea. For those of you who haven't read, the spice is a substance tied into the existence of giant sandworms on Dune. Space travel is performed by special people called navigators who imbibe so much spice their bodies actually change and their minds are able to 'fold space', which basically means they think ships to their destinations. Computer have been abandoned because they were causing more harm than good to humanity, essentially, and were wiped out during the so-called 'Butlerian Jihad' 10,000 years prior to the novel, which takes place roughly 20,000 years in the future. I'm being really brief here, but how Herbert has pieced all of this together into a universe is highly impressive.

Deep concepts. Dune makes you think to some degree, or at least it makes you think about religion. There's a good mixture of various religious elements, references to old religion and how they've altered over the centuries, and cool features like a order called the 'Bene Gesserit', women who are basically "witches" of a sort that have mental powers and whose task is to advance the human race. For example, they infiltrate societies and create myths surrounding messiahs and such so that their selected pawns can eventually cause revolutions and change to better the whole of humanity. That's just one thing, though, Dune is filled with shit like this and each chapter opens with a vignette that's supposed to be from various religious writings and things that relate to Paul Atreides, the hero of the story, other people connected to him, and his exploits as savior of Dune.

Huge character set. The number of characters here is also impressive. There are tons of people to learn about, tons of subplots that act within the larger picture of Dune, minor characters, etc. It's basically comparable to War and Peace but science fiction. In fact, that's a perfect analogy, because the character connections there are similar to what you'll find here, and since it relates to various imperial families, all the better to approximate what it's like. If you're into palace intrigues and subterfuge, Dune is fucking packed. You've got the Fremen, the desert nomads indigenous to Dune (well, after migrating there anyway), the Spacing Guild, the Landsraad, hell, just go read online about it, there's a shit ton of stuff to find inside the covers, let's just leave it at that. Unfortunately, it pretty much ends there. Let's go further...

Dune: The Suck

Too fucking long holy piss. Sure, I'll admit, Dune isn't for pussies. You have to really want to sit down with this one and immerse yourself in Herbert's universe. Like really want to. I don't care if I sound like a wimp; this book did not need to be this motherfucking long. Dune is a massive chunk of paper that gets caught up way too often in minor plots, pointless dialog, and boring intrigues that could have been cut or summed up in a page or two while still being artistic. He could have cut the novel in half and it still would have been enormously effective and literally enormous. Don't think a shorter version would pull if off? Go read the parody version, Doon, and you'll see how cutting could have worked, and that one was actually a joke.

Too much background = too much to remember. Hey, my memory isn't that bad so skip it. One of Dune's problems is that there's so much in here minor details get lost in the long sections you don't feel like reading anymore and are often critical for overall understanding of passages. Herbert needed to desperately streamline his novel. Sure, there are plenty of us who like things 'heady', but a good writer knows how to find the perfect medium between those types, and people who just want an escape. There's so much shit all over the place that it's easy to miss the major plot elements or understand what's going on because so many plots within plots get caught within other plots that have their own plots. Wait, didn't I read something about this 348 pages ago? FUCK!!!!!

NOT THAT ORIGINAL. You heard me. Yeah, Dune's got a lot of cool, but this is just another savior saves the world/universe palace intrigue bullshit story. People have been writing about shit like this since way before the fucking Dream of the Red Chamber (look it up). If I'm looking for something original of this type, minus the sandworms, I'll go to Euripides, who knew how to write, how to pull it off, and how to do all that while keeping the length sensible. The feuding royal family bullshit is so damn cliche, even at this time. But wait, you say, there's like these witches that help replace computers or something with their powers and it's like fantasy sci-fi! Yeah? Go read the Witch World books, they started about three years before this! As a sci-fi novel, Dune actually doesn't offer much that's new. The only thing you'll find online really is that it's the "first planetary ecology novel on a grand scale". Wait, that's its claim to fame?!!! It's not the first planetary ecology novel, but it is the first big one. So fucking what? Also, minor things, like the focus on Arabic language and thought are a little stupid. The planet Dune, for example, is technically called Arrakis. Wow, Frank, how did you ever think of that one?!!!! So at the same time that's it's inventive, Dune also is filled with many moments that make you sigh.

Constricted through its own inventions. This is the bad one, but I put it here because I was thinking of it now. One big problem that Dune has, which becomes painfully evident as the series goes further, is that Herbert has put soooo much detail into it that there is very little leeway into other avenues. It's been constricted as far as it can go. The ecology of the sandworms and the focus on Arrakis, for example, are so important to every character, event, city, everything, that he can't get away from it. Each piece is woven into a fine tapestry, but any more weaving and it's too damn big to even sleep under. Everything's been so tightly interwoven that he ran out of rope when he finished it, and after this one he just tied extra pieces on and made a damn fucking mess of things. You'll see as we get to the others in my future articles.

Damn obvious plot direction. This is also incredibly annoying. Do I like to think? Yeah, hell, Heidegger is my favorite philosopher damn it! But Dune, in spite of the deep nature to some of the ideas behind it, has the most fucking shallow plot you're ever going to come across. Will Duke Leto really die? Yes. Will the Fremen join Paul? Yep. Will he survive the Water of Life? Why did you ask? And what's going to happen, is Paul really the messiah, or, sorry, the Kwisatz Haderach? Can it be? Truly? Yeah, and we know that from like the first fucking chapter. The rest is fluff, and it's about 500+ pages of fluff, so get ready. Herbert gives no twists, no turns, no surprises. It's like he said to himself, "how can I make a book about Jesus, add giant worms in the sand, Arabic, and a planet of this cinnamon worm poop that makes people fly space ships"? I GOT IT.

Hella annoying writing style. Herbert sucks at writing. He lacks the intelligence of Asimov, the fantastical weirdness of Norton, the true depth of Aldiss, and he wouldn't be able to pull off the streamlined perfection of Anderson if you paid him to not write Dune. Dune, and all of the books in the series following it, is a great showcase of why Herbert should have let his wife make all their money. First off, you have the vignettes that introduce every chapter. Some are too esoteric to figure out and not worth the effort in the first place, while others ruin what could have been mystery. Yeah, kind of hard to wonder if Paul will be the messiah when you start the chapter with a historical writing sample that references how he was the messiah. Thanks, dick. Herbert also gets caught in these annoying inner-monologues. They can be effectual, but he uses them way too much. They typically extend the dialog and action much further than necessary. Here's a sentence: "He wondered if he should buy her an orange". Here's now one of Herbert's inner monologues would translate that: "He wondered if the orange he should buy should have rough skin, or should the skin be light orange, dark orange, a mix? What should the tree look like? Was the tree located in Florida or Mexico? She never liked Mexico, Mexico was where the Aztecs hailed, and they removed hearts. The orange is like a heart, does she want one, does she want one, does she want one"? That's seriously what most of them are like. The majority are not used properly because by the time you get through what could have been simple, artful prose, you have no fucking clue what in the hell's going on. In addition, Herbert gets so caught in detail that he takes a million 10-mile paths to get to a destination that was only a foot away. Characters get stuck in endless, self-absorbed thoughts that could often have been avoided entirely, which then sucks away the life of those that are actually important. If you live off of icing, the cake's just no good.

Boringly wooden characters. What in the hell sapling did Herbert carve these idiots from? Whereas something like Les Miserables, most of the time, has characters you can actually feel, who seem like real people, Dune's pastische is largely played by 11-year-olds doing a school production of Hamlet with a budget of $25. Yes, it is that stupid. You can absolutely not connect with anyone in Dune. Their lines are stale, their plot drive is canned, they never evolve, their emotional projections are meek and unbelievable, and they talk like a starving director stuck in bitchdick USA at a 10-cent theater who's trying to get noticed. Think banal, and you've got the characters of Dune down pat without a single inner monologue. Completely, utterly lifeless. Hell, even the messiah scenes sucked, how do you fuck that up? Just paraphrase and alter the Bible and you're good to go. Guess he didn't want to be too obvious. Some people seem to think there's something unique about all of it, but what, so he took basically every stock scene from epic tales and added giant worms and some ships? People, that's not a mark of genius!

Incredible lack of action. One of the things that makes truly great sci-fi is a good mix of stuff that makes you think and stuff that kicks ass. So, something like Chronocules, for example, is all of the former. Seeds of Change, the latter. Neither is particularly interesting because they're both heavily weighed on one side. Dune, is the worst of this kind of novel. It's a huge mixture of the former type, with very, very little of the latter! What the fuck man!? You have giant fucking sandworms that can eat large vehicles, a Navy SEALS-like killer army of death, warring feudal houses, and all of that! But, in all, for all of the millions of words you read, Dune's action is frequently restricted to only a few pages in spite of this! It really only gets truly interesting for about the last 50 or so, the rest is all intrigues, will he kill her him them bullshit, riding a worm for like two seconds, and then more intrigues until you fall asleep. Like The Left Hand of Darkness, though not nearly as bad, this one was so full of action-packed potential with a nice bite of thinking! Herbert simply put too much thinking into it, he never found a good balance. Combine that with a poor writing style, and phew boy!

Plot holes. Aw man, this makes it even worse. I could have at least said, yeah, but in spite of the above, Herbert's done a massively impressive thing here. But, sigh, it was not to be. I can't go on about all of them, but let's consider a few problems with Dune and end our analysis with these little tibits:

First um, okay, so the Butlerian Jihad has eliminated all computers and robots? Did he actually think about this? Let's consider. If you did that, well, you wouldn't be able to accomplish much of anything, I don't fucking care how much fucking spice you chaw. First off, why isn't there a separate people, race, planet, or something that went against this movement? You mean to tell me all people in the whole fucking universe really aligned with this idea? Really? Consider this, over 50 years after Hitler was rightfully eliminated, there are still people who think his ideas were good. Yeah. The planet Ix kind of fills this void, but Herbert doesn't take it anywhere until it's too late, which is pretty much the final novel, Chapterhouse: Dune. Whoops. Think about it more. Before traffic lights, people used to have to sit in the middle of an intersection and tell who to move when. There are computers in those lights. Without them, well, people will be doing everything just like that and trust me, mentats do not eliminate the problem. He had the ability to get around this by creating some sort of rogue nation or something that liked robots, but, of course, he blew it. Yeah, sure, there are these special people that drink this shit that makes them think faster! That will replace computers! No, it doesn't, he never successfully integrates them into the plot enough to make it believeable, they all just serve the position of average-importance characters gumming up the works with more inner monologue.

Nuclear devices are supposed to be illegal essentially, but they still exist, because Paul uses them on the shield wall at the end. Umm, you mean to tell me that an emperor who's aligned with a sadistic family who destroys the Atreides' stronghold on Arrakis at the beginning (they moved there by the way, not their home planet), wouldn't, umm, say fuck it and just nuke the shit out of Paul and his Fremen bitches? It would be about as annoying as the Soviets in Afghanistan, but with way more nukes and power, and well, he's the emperor, and since we're going along with the feudal palace intrigue thing, that would kind of fit in there. No? Idiot. And trying to get around this obvious hole with a "but it's illegal" thing is so lame. Trust me, people in power really don't give a shit when it comes down to it. They really don't. And when everyone really only cares about the spice, which if you don't get it yet is a symbol of oil reliance by the way, probably wouldn't care that much if they nuked a few annoying nomads who are screwing up their harvesting of it.

One more to save space, there are more but let's not make this another Dune. This might not annoy some people, but it annoys the hell out of me. Little things can create big holes for me, and they should for you too at times. So the worms, cool and all, giant and shit. So apparently they live on the sand plankton and little worms, the little worms create the spice, all in the cirrrrrcclee of liiiiiiiiiiife. Cool. Really, though, the little creatures seem to only take up a meager amount of space, and like, the worms are fucking giant, so ummm, is that enough for them to live on? Let's let that go, fine, like whales or something. One problem, the Fremen ride worms to get around the desert. Awesome. But worms are territorial, and we never find out what happens if one worm is ridden into the path of another? But, you say, they're being controlled by the hooks so they don't care about anything but keeping their sensitive underflesh from the sand so they can be steered clear of each other! But, oh ho, what about riding on a worm into the territory of another worm, which is not being ridden?!!! OH SHIT, says Herbert from beyond the grave.

So, I hope you enjoyed my detailed, yet brief analysis. These are the main points of issue I had with Dune. In the end, to sum up, it's got a lot going for it, the Avalon Hill board game, the excellent Sci-Fi Channel series, the lovable bomb that was the David Lynch film that's better in the television version though no one will admit it, the stillsuits, original editions that will nabe you around $800, and especially those awesome sandworms, but the majority is blown on poorly thought-out character development, boring diaglog, extensive descriptions way past the necessary limit, and a lack of action. The ending battle is very cool, but it's not really worth the amout of reading to get there, plus it only lasts a few pages while a conversation between Paul and his mother is like twenty chapters. Dune will get you excited at first with its density and superficially wonderful universe, but this grows stale in about 150 pages, and the rest is minimum wage work until the end. If you're looking for good sci-fi, there's better out there, don't listen to the fan boys. Anytime they appear, there's usually a reason to stay the hell away. Dune proves this on several levels. So, next, we'll move on to Dune Messiah! Is it any better? Hell no, but at least it's shorter!

LOS MIRLOS - Sonido Amazonico

2012-01-31T18:48:00.000-08:00

Gotta love the hairdo..and the song too, of course....

MARTYRDÖD Dark Lords Of Swedish Crust Sign With Southern Lord

2012-01-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

New LP Under Construction At Studio Fredman Now Swedish crustpunk horde MARTYRDÖD have officially inked a multi-release deal with Southern Lord Recordings, and are currently barricaded in the infamous Studio Fredman (At The Gates, Amon Amarth, Opeth) recording their debut label LP, Paranoia.

After formation in 2001, MARTYRDÖD, have since slammed the crustpunk and underground metal scene with a surplus of CD and LP releases on such brutal labels as Plaguebearer, Havoc, Farewell, La Familia and Prank, as well as sporadic touring across Europe and a massive offensive on the United States in 2011.

In an scene overabundant with clones of the founding/front running acts of the genre, MARTYRDÖD manage to remain heavily unique in their filth-ridden approach. While undeniably influenced by acts like Anticimex, Bathory, Totalitär, Oral and Wolfpack, the band intertwines their crust roots with sinister, haunting soundscapes and unique riff attacks. With genuine Swedish lyrics, distinguished songwriting manifested through bleak and obscure original artwork MARTYRDÖD will continue to conjure up their blackened d-beat crust, now under the Southern Lord banner.

Paranoia will be released sometime this Spring/Summer 2012.

New BLACK BREATH Album

2012-01-07T06:03:00.000-08:00

BLACK BREATH: Seattle Savages Go On The Attack With Second LP Seattle's barbaric wrecking crew BLACK BREATH have completed their second LP and are preparing to fire it point blank into the public's face this March. The forthcoming new platter, dubbed Sentenced to Life, is the highly-anticipated follow-up to the band's raging 2010 debut album, Heavy Breathing, which blew away fans of both hardcore-fueled rock and roll and crushing Swedish death metal internationally.

Now in 2012, BLACK BREATH's neck-snapping Sentenced To Life projects an even more vile, metallic sonic attack than its predecessor, bearing is a bit less rock and roll swagger and a showcasing more full-on crushing rage. The album is a product of furious creativity jammed into a short span of time, written in the seemingly endless Winter after returning from their November 2010 European tour.

Bearing 10 thunderous tracks in under 33 minutes, Sentenced To Life features such smashing BLACK BREATH hits as "Feast of the Damned," "Doomed," "Forced Into Possession," "Home of the Grave" and of course the title anthem "Sentenced to Life." The band once again recorded at God City Studios with Kurt Ballou, and had the finished product mastered by Alan Douches at West West Side. Easily the band's most thunderous recording to date, BLACK BREATH sentence every listener to a life of headbanging after spinning this motherfucker!

THE STIFFS - Innocent Bystander

2012-01-02T13:56:00.000-08:00

Just got this strange message. Not sure if it is spam or the guy just had the wrong address. The remittent is named Chris Brown. Not that Chris Brown.

Hey,

My name is Chris Brown, and I recorded that demo at RPM Studios in Philadelphiacirca 1991-92. It's stuck out in my mind for all these years, and I've wondered(more than a few times), "What happened to those guys and those songs?". I just found you now, because I've been listening to a bunch of punk music and wastelling my girl about this band called The Stiffs. I only remembered the Bored Stiffsong... finally remembered the Cry Baby song. The two songs found me you. After finding the list of songs I remembered Awake at the Wake. I loved theenthusiasm, and said "earnest" attitude toward getting the songs recorded. Anyway,it's good to see that you didn't stay in Phila and expanded. I would like to have acopy of those songs if it's possible. Good times!

CBHappy 2012!!

Free INDIAN METAL Compilation

2012-01-02T13:44:00.000-08:00

Not sure if this is good at all, but give it a shot...click here for download.

HAROLD & MAUDE - Movie Poster

2011-12-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I stumbled upon a framed copy of this poster at a thrift store. I paid $5 for it. It was in pretty good shape. I loved it for its great design as well as because it is for one of my favorite movies.

One day I got back from work and my girlfriend had thrashed it. She hated it, almost as much as I hate the music of Spandau Ballet.

At first I thought the quote at the bottom right was by Charles Chaplin.

Top 5 Worst Ad Campaigns and Commercials of 2011

2011-12-26T19:12:00.000-08:00

Yeah man, here we go again with this shit. Last year I did a nice write up of some commercials, or rather spokesmen/mascots, that I ragged on, but this year I decided to focus on five ad campaigns that really pissed me off. All of these are from well-known companies, I could have picked some obscure ones, but they don't have the annoyance factor as much because you won't see them as often. The following are the commercials and ad campaigns from 2011 that we all fucking hated, hated to our cores, hated enough to denounce the company and then still buy their product.

5. Lipitor Man Did I Take Risks Ads

Now, not all of these are necessarily annoying, but they all follow he same basic premise. You have someone, usually an older guy, who talks about how they took "crazy risks" as a kid like riding down a pussy hill without a helmet on a bicycle, jumping in the water naked with those cadira fish or something, or fucking a girl with a condom bought at Big Lots. Okay, no, none of those except the first. They're usually really tame and you chuckle at the "risks" that were once taken in ye olde youth, but there's one in particular...

This particular ad reveals the fault with the whole campaign, it's not well thought out, but you have to pay attention to catch what's wrong. See it? Let me explain. Okay, yeah, so the guy's on about how he took risks as a kid swinging on a rope over some rocks in a lake. Sure, that's pretty risky, being that you could have severed your spinal cord or something, but ummm, wait a minute... It's clear dude is in some sort of big park or nature reserve and it's not his yard, because there aren't any houses around, so you mean to tell me that out of the whole fucking lake you pick the one goddamn spot that has fucking jagged rocks below it to tie up your rope swing? Now, really, sure we climb trees and stuff as a kid, but this one verges a little on maniac. If you have a whole lake about the size of Vermont to pick a spot to swing from, why would you pick the ONE spot where there were rocks? Fuck you buddy, you put that there for the commercial!

4. Arby's Good Mood Food Mud Fud Gud Ooooood Ads

I really don't know anyone who doesn't hate this goddamn jingle. It ranks on my list as possibly the worst jingle ever written. And it's not annoying because it sticks in your head, it's not annoying because it tries to be funny, it's not even annoying because it plays on slang phrases no longer cool (like the new Chipmunks film). This one makes the list because it's retarded. Like, whoever works in the ad department for Arby's needs to be fired or sent back to primary school or some shit. Here's an example:

Avoiding the lamer factor of the guy, let's analyze. Now, some of you might not mind it because they are advertising their product successfully. I mean, yeah, sandwich looks damn delicious, but I'm starting to not want to eat it. If you're a native speaker of English, this song is going to rub you the wrong way. Why? Because, linguistically and artistically speaking, it MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. Good Mood Food, sure we can read and it looks like they go together, but we can also HEAR SOUNDS THAT DON'T FUCKING RHYME. Whatever douchebag put this together seems to perhaps not be a native speaker and simply looked at the words thinking "ah yes, American rhyme ees good". No, it doesn't rhyme, and it's an example of how English works. Letters are symbols in English, they only represent sounds. In this case, they do not represent the sounds you think they do you fucking assholes. How are we supposed to say this? Gut Mut Fut? Gooood Moooood Foooood? Take your pick, it's only one of the two, because actually we say it something like this: Gud Mood Food. Doesn't work dickheads, and I like how they try to cover over it by his intonation and the music behind it, as if they cringed when they did it themselves. Get a new campaign ya fucks.

3. Toyota Highlander Unappreciative Asshole Kid Who Needs to Fucking Shut Up

Aw man, this, fuck I hate this kid. Kids can be annoying, they can be selfish, but this fucking little man here, Christ, I just want him to die, I want his parents to kick him out of the fucking car and run him over and make him pay for the hospital bill. I want them to force him to save his allowance so he can buy the fucking car himself. Here's one, if you haven't seen any of them, which I doubt:

Sure, he reveals to you all you need to know about the Toyota Highlander, but he does so while ripping on his parents for using an older SUV and, you know, probably trying to save some money or something so they can put his annoying ass through school or buy him nice things so he doesn't reveal their poverty, maybe even pay off hospital bills they don't talk about publically. Little dick gets in some friend's car and talks to his mother like he's ready to lick her asshole, then revealing that you too, parents, can be cool by buying a Toyota Highlander and getting rid of your lame, affordable car. I wouldn't doubt this ad campaign pissed a lot of people off, and it probably caused a loss of profit because I haven't seen them in at least two months. If you look at videos on Youtube, pay attention to the dislikes and negative comments. People don't like to be told that they're idiots if they don't buy an expensive car. Fuck your expensive car, I want something that runs good, has good gas mileage, can save me money, is probably used, and doesn't have that fucking kid in it. Go buy your own SUV you ungrateful twat.

2. ADT Burglar on a Rampage Ads

These ads crack me the fuck up boooiii. There's the one with the girl who's having a party, and then the one guy she's apparently fell for comes back with a real mean rapist face and kicks the door in. Ummm, if she liked him, couldn't he have just come in nicely and then done the deed? Why'd he have to kick the fucking door in? I mean, she approaches him looking all nice and then he kicks in the door? He pretty much had the go-ahead there to abuse her feelings. Or how about the one with the family during the day, dad leaves for work, and then big brute robber kicks in the door and looks confused when the alarm goes off. Could they find any less of a fucking mongoloid for the role? Oh, I see, all robbers are neanderthal in their nature so they must look the part, or as Arby's would say, luuk. But my favorite is the one with the girl and the daughter coming home...

Unfortunately, couldn't find it online, probably because they knew it would get burned by a million dislikes and funny-ass comments. Basically, you've seen it I'm sure. Mommy walks in the living room after coming home with daughter (why's she still carrying her purse?), dude is "robbing" them, in the middle of taking a TV. They look scared and shocked. He's like, hmmm, whatever, barely makes a face that shows more than complete boredom, leaves the TV, and kindly walks out like he's going to do something else in the next room. He literally walks out without a care in the world. What kind of fucking robber does that? He just put the TV back down? Why didn't he attack like the other guy? Maybe I'm being stereotypical, I don't know, but there certainly wasn't a reason for the dude to smash a photograph of your husband and break your vase. Trust me, I haven't robbed anyone, but if I was focusing on a TV and expensive electronics, why would I suddenly go randomly apeshit and just smash a picture of your dork husband in the process? What the fuck? Anyway, though I couldn't find it, this user video here is plenty funnier, it uses clips from the actual video (minus the robber guy), and pretty much makes fun of it for the same reasons I mentioned. Enjoy:

1. Wal Mart Trying to Look Hip Smart Talk Commercials

Wal Mart's so full of shit. I never shop there, I never will, I always overpay for my products to support the little guy, fuck my money. But one thing Wal Mart has never been able to overcome, regardless of their market dominance, is their image. Hahahahaha, what a pile of human waste that place generates! Seriously, are they born there? It's like a building you set up in Star Craft to generate various aliens. See, Wal Mart has had lots of problems with its image, and it's been doing everything in its power to overcome it. Redesigning the logo so it looks similar in arrangement to Target, using choice workers in ads to make them look like regular folks, and of course, the recent Smart Talk commercials of the past year. You know them, the ads that feature people who "forget" they're actually poor because they use phones from Wal Mart that "save them money" so they can "live better", which someone equates to things like thinking the crown jewels can be purchased, working in a repair shop and changing oil with your toy dog that just got manicured, trying to open the locks on an expensive car you don't own as you discuss serving fancy game birds over the phone, and so forth. Some of them actually don't feature the Wal Mart logo or any mentioning of them, partly because they're in cahoots with real phone companies, and also because again, they're trying to fix their image. Here's the jewels one, which annoys me in particular because no one that shops at Wal Mart even knows what they are:

So what's the problem? Well, many people find them funny, but that's just because they're fucking idiots and they don't see the horrible truth of which they are playing a huge role. These commercials are degrading, they're trying to tell you that by purchasing a cheap phone (that's probably a cheaply made model, by the way, that's how you actually "save" money with Wal Mart products, look it up and don't buy your electronics or guns there) you'll feel like you have more money, when in actuality you don't. THANKS FOR THE REMINDER. Another thing that irritates me about these ads is that they're just another example of Wal Mart's desperate attempt to look "cool" and well, better to say, not a festering pile of trash and obesity. You want to know what Wal Mart really is? This is the truth, and no fucking ad can avoid it:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Well, that's it, hope you enjoyed the fun! Next year I'm sure I'll have plenty more ads to tear apart. I was tempted to talk about the hipster Flo Progressive ads again, but it's been done already and I've heard people complaining about them so I've done my part. I think these, well, they needed a reaming. Anyway, ring in the New Year with more shitty ads and stuff and watch for Hansel's ramblings about metal and vinyl, and my sci-fi reviews and so forth. Later.

THE LAST CIRCUS - Movie Poster

2011-12-25T20:34:00.000-08:00

Caught The Last Circus (Balada Triste de Trompeta) on Netflix streaming this lazy christmas afternoon. I had seen the trailer online and was looking forward to it. Didn't have anything precise in mind, but being somewhat familiar with the work of Alex de la Iglesia I was expecting some kind of excess.

One thing is for sure, there is no way I could have prepared for the type of overload that this over the top movie delivers.

After seeing La Comunidad a few years back I thought the Spanish auteur had matured a bit but The Last Circus shows that this guy is sicker than ever. Gratuitous violent, glossy gore and a plot that makes almost no sense come together for a movie that at times reminds of Jodorowsky's Santa Sangre and at others reminds of just a B movie that looks pretty fucking neat.

PARALISIS PERMANENTE - Unidos

2011-12-19T21:57:00.001-08:00

AMER - Best Movie Poster I've Seen in a While

2011-12-18T19:42:00.001-08:00

New BURNING SAVIOURS 7 Inch Coming - Out On NIGHT TRIPPER

2011-12-18T19:40:00.001-08:00

SAMOTHRACE Upcoming Record

2011-12-09T21:52:00.001-08:00

After nearly four years without a new release, ambidextrous sludge purveyors SAMOTHRACE were in Soundhouse Studios in their hometown of Seattle with producer Brandon Fitzsimmons (ex-Wormwood) to being the recording of their second LP.

SAMOTHRACE issued the following collective statement about the recording process: "Working on this album at Soundhouse Studios with Brandon Fitzsimmons is amazing. We were fortunate enough to use the Rolls Royce of analog tape machines. The sound of rolling thunder was an inspiration during the whole process. The songs are as soaring and turbulent as the last album,

but a bit more mature. We can't wait for its release and imminent touring to follow."

The LP will tentatively bear two side-long tracks, "When We Emerged" and "A Horse Of Our Own." The hymn "When We Emerged" originally appeared on the band's 2007 demo in a much shorter and raw form, and has here been completely reworked and extended into a new song.

The album -- its title still TBA -- will be released by mid-2012 via 20 Buck Spin, who also released SAMOTHRACE's praised 2008 debut full-length, Life's Trade. More info on the new album will be available in the coming weeks.

Some Gig in SWEDEN

2011-12-09T21:50:00.001-08:00

Spent Too Much Money on eBay

2011-12-03T05:56:00.001-08:00

I have definitely spent too much time and money on eBay lately.

According to me, I was going for great prices. For the most part I did not pay more than $7 for any of these records, except for that Candlemass record which cost me $12 and that Sacrilege record which cost me about $20, and that Cryptic Slaughter record which cost me about $25, and that Tyrant record which also cost me about $25 and that Nuclear Death record which cost me about $26. Everything else was pretty much in the $8 to $9 range and accordingly, sounded pretty mediocre. I found this seller on eBay who sells a lot of unopened thrash records from the late 80's, bands no one has heard so I have been collecting a lot of those.He must have made a small fortune of off me,.

I must stop. Now. No more eBay.

What the Hell CM DISTRO!!! 2 Weeks for Delivery

2011-12-01T22:07:00.001-08:00

So I was listening to the new Raw Radar War seven inch the other day, and the voice of Jonah Jenkins got me thinking about how much I love Only Living Witness. I remembered that during an interview I did with him about two years ago he mentioned that the remastered version of Innocents sounded great. This, of course, after I complained about the audio quality, which ruined what to me is one of the best heavy records of all time.

So I went online to see if I could find a cheap copy of the remasters and I ended up in CM Distro, the large distribution arm of Century Media Records. They were selling it for $5.00, a great price if you consider that the remasters include OLW's first album Prone Mortal Form as well, another fucking jewel in my book. So I didn't hesitate and bought it. Had to register actually, and by the late 90's design of the webstore I just hoped they didn't get hacked and with that my credit card number stolen.

When I got the e-mail confirmation I realized that shipping was actually more than the price I paid for the CD, but that's OK. $10.25, pricey, especially these days but what the hell.

Item Details

ITEM NAME	TYPE	QTY	PRICE	TOTAL
Only Living Witness - Prone Mortal Form/Innocents (Reissue)	CD	1	$5.00	$5.00
Subtotal:				$5.00
Tax:				$0.00
Shipping:				$5.25
Total:				$10.25

What pissed me off was that five days later I got an e-mail with an order update saying that it would take up to two weeks of delivery. Two fucking weeks = 14 days. I placed my order on 11/18 and still I have not received anything.

Assuming I do get the CD in two weeks, the question remains, I paid $5.25 in shipping and is taking about fourteen days? What the fuck? Who is delivering this shit? A legless man? Are they fucking walking all the way from California to Florida?

Sci-Fi That Sucks: I Will Fear No Evil

2011-11-29T22:16:00.001-08:00

The more I read by Helein, the more I wonder what the fuck was wrong with the guy. The only time he stays interesting is when he sticks to science and adds some action. For some reason, dude had this thing throughout his career of letting his works turn into shit by any mentionings of love or, more typically, sex. If you read my review of The Puppet Masters, I had the same issue with it, but for I Will Fear No Evil he reached a new level of hatred. The majority of The Puppet Masters was good, but it was seriously hampered by a ridiculous subplot concerning the love of the two main agents in the story. Then, yet again, I found this same issue coming to the surface and annoying the piss out of me in one of his most famous works, Stranger in a Strange Land, which I can unequivocally state is not as awesome as the Iron Maiden song. Heinlein in all of these examples seems to do one thing, come up with an awesome idea and then spends so much time to writing about bullshit to apparently take up pages to increase book cost that it leads to bizarre sidetracks into sexuality that make you wonder if he had some sort of fucking problem. Out of his novels I have so far read, only The Moon is a Harsh Mistress comes with recommendations, this one, fuck, just don't even bother.

I Will Fear No Evil was apparently written while he was suffering through some sort of organ inflammation and his wife edited it, so maybe that has something to do with it, I don't know. The plot is simple. It's the future, the world is overpopulated (trust me, they do barely anything with this ripe concept), and this old rich guy is dying. His dying wish is kind of an attempt to commit legal suicide because he doesn't think it will work; he wants to have his brain transplanted into a healthy, young body and he gets the help of a doctor who did it with two monkeys but who was demonized afterwards. He's a crazy old guy and quite a horny coot, which is fine, and the way he talks and has an honest way of speaking makes for a believable character, at first. His secretary and her husband are one of the couples to sign the contract, and of course, she ends up dying soon after and his brain is put into her body.

Now, first off, the particular edition I have fucking blew that shit by talking about it on the back cover. You don't find out it was his secretary, Eunice, until at least a hundred or so pages in when he finally is able to see himself in the mirror. Before that, they play around with it, but if you weren't told, you wouldn't know, so I was a little pissed at that publishing slip. Anyway, you kind of figure it's going to happen and man, what an awesome idea for a sci-fi plot. Not new, really, but just plain awesome. Heinlein, however, fucks it up after Johann realizes who he is.

See, sure, we're all sure if you were a guy placed into a woman's body, you'd probably want to see what it does, no question. Problem is Heinlein spends the whole rest of the goddamn thing with Johann (now Joan Eunice) having sex with everyone under the sun, buying clothes, and really doing nothing of fucking interest. It basically reads like sci-fi for the first hundred pages, and then descends into a shitty romance novel with a Fabio look-a-like on the cover for the other 3/4 of it, which amounts to around 500 motherfucking pages. After the brain is transplanted and Johann is up and walking, the novel descends into one of the worst farces of sci-fi I've ever read. Cheesiness is fine, this just plain sucks. It's like listening to your wife or girlfriend blab about what they did throughout the day, but stretch that over the week or so it will take to finish it. Absolutely nothing interesting happens through the rest of the entire book, take that at face value because I mean it. It's a total travesty to even call this sci-fi, because other than brief mentionings of technology and the year, as well as a small stint about moon travel at the end that goes nowhere, there's almost nothing in here that has anything to do with the genre. It reads like an issue of Redbook you read on the shitter because there's nothing else around or like a Lifetime movie you for some reason won't shut off. Horrible.

The characters are unbelievable, the dialog ridiculous, and the end total blue balls. You'd expect a weird twist, but here it is. Eunice is somehow still functioning in the body and talks to Johann in his mind. That's kind of cool, but when his lawyer dies at the end, who he married and who was having sex with Eunice before she died, he somehow is also put into the mix and they're all talking together. How in the fuck did that happen? And when Johann decides to impregnate his new body with his own sperm that he had frozen away, Heinlein does next to nothing with the concept! Add to it this quasi-religious Indian thing very similar to the bullshit going on in Stranger in a Strange Land and you get one goddamned awful book. This is probably the worst sci-fi novel I've ever read, and I don't think it can be topped. I'm actually dreading reading anything else by this guy it was so fucking bad. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

MIXTAPE 1 - South American 70's Rock

2011-11-28T18:36:00.001-08:00

Christian Van Lacke, guitarist and vocalist for South American band Tlön was kind enough to put together this compilation of South American bands from the 70's. For the most part, all these fall under the prog rock category, but there are also a few hard rock gems as well as a few who mix up their rock with folk from the region.

Here is the playlist:

1) Azafata del Tren Fantasma (Invisible / Argentina) 1974

2) El Inca (Wara / Bolivia) 1973

3) Ah! Te Vi Entre las Luces (La Maquina de Hacer Pajaros / Argentina) 1976

4) Mi Cueva (El Polen / Peru) 1973

5) Lo Mas Grande que Existe en el Amor (We All Together / Peru) 1973

6) A Traves de los Inviernos (Color Humano / Argentina) 1973

7) Octavo Sendero (Miguel Abuelo Et Nada / Argentina) 1973

8) Mira Niñita (Los Jaivas / Chile) 1973

9) Martha Ya Esta (Tarkus / Peru - Argentina) 1972

10) Para Hacer Musica (Montevideo Blues / Uruguay) 1972

11) A Pagina do Relampago Eletrico (Beto Guedes / Brasil) 1977

12) Yo Sere Animal, Tu Seras mi Dueño (Aquelarre / Argentina) 1972

(((((((((DOWNLOAD IT HERE))))))))))

HAL HUTCHINSON, Brutal Mechanics - Out On Tape Through WOHRT Records

2011-11-26T08:31:00.001-08:00

Buy It HERE...

MONSTER MAGNET to Perform DOPES to INFINITY In Its Entirety

2011-11-14T20:54:00.001-08:00

Holy shit...!!!!!!!!!!!
JANUARY 13th @ Music Hall of Williamsburg

Sci-Fi Adventures: Birthright

2011-11-13T20:52:00.001-08:00

If you were paying attention the last time I did one of these, then I don't need to do an introduction. But since it's most likely you weren't, let me do that. Laser Books was a rather short-lived sci-fi venture that sought to release a series (not connected in any way) of several books, all within a certain page limit and featuring a variety of authors (they got to number 58). They were notorious for severely editing some upper-level writers' work, and due to the speed at which they released their novels, the company tanked in little time, mainly because the plots of the novels are largely derivative and nothing too noteworthy. That is, at least, from my perspective, because I've already read five of them. Having commented on one prior, I decided to give this one a go because it's more interesting than the others. It's one of a number of sci0fi novels I've read over the past two months, but man, this one leaves a disturbing taste in your mouth.

As you can see, Kelly Freas dishes out another weird cover with the disembodied heads this series was known for, but now that I'm used to them, I think they work rather well because they basically summarize the entire plot of the novel in a single image. In Birthright, you're introduced to Andros, a young boy who's having trouble being human because there are suspicions he's actually an android, a new breed his father created that look, act, and function almost the same as human beings. Because his birth is suspect, people don't think highly of Andros, mainly because his father loved androids so much and was pushing to create this new breed you learn about in the novel. Andros returns to his father's complex, not really too interested in learning about androids or becoming involved in their constructions.

Fitzsimmons, the man temporarily in charge of the outfit until Andros gives up his ownership, doesn't really want the boy involved and you slowly find out he's been wheeling and dealing under the surface, working super-android against super-android in an effort to weed out the last of them. See, Andros' father created a religions for the androids based on a god called Vat, which simply deals with the vats they are 'born' in. The Sons of Vat, as they are called, are utilized by Fitzsimmons to take control, learn where Roarchik's super androids are, and kill them off, leaving only lower-level androids as the company's main production since Roarchik androids are the best in the world!

Andros eventually learns the truth about Fitzsimmon's plans and falls in love with one of the Supers, an android named Miranda. Well, perhaps not really love, he's disgusted with her at first, but then seems to slowly feel the humanness of her and comes around. Anyway, the plot of Birthright is actually pretty tame, it takes that whole Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? plot, or a plot about androids and para-humans like you find in a number of sci-fi novels and short stories throughout the decades. By the end, you figure out that Andros' past was left suspect so he'd get involved with androids more, and then learn his father planned for Miranda, the one I mentioned at the start of this paragraph, and he to give birth to a half-child in this weird love plot of creepiness. So that's the 'birthright' of the novel, as well as the ownership of the industry and all of that.

So why read this? Well, it doesn't necessarily move slow, and there's some intrigue and such going on, but where Birthright really makes you puke and shudder is the ending. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IN THE HELL WAS KATHLEEN SKY THINKING?!!!! When Fitzsimmons learns about the secret HQ of the Supers and their birthing chambers, he doesn't just arrest them or something, motherfucker KILLS them all in one the most disturbing and bloodiest of chapters I've ever read. If you thought Cliver Barker was dropped on his head and had his brains run over by a lawnmower, think again. Kathleen Sky lays out here one of the most gorey scenes in sci-fi history, and perhaps the most gruesome ever penned. Fitzsimmons gets the help of this local android-hatin gang, and they go crazy. I mean really, really crazy, like disturbing images of strangling and gutting infants crazy. Now, yeah, they're androids, but since they're designed to be all but human, you can't help but be a little freaked out by this one. The murders are depicted in a very graphic fashion and after a generally tame plot throughout the rest of the novel, Sky knows how to fuck you up. Birthright, in many ways, is pretty standard sci-fi, but give it to the ending and it's well worth it, that is, if you want to have nightmares for a least a month. I have to say, after this one, I really wonder what the rest of the series has in store...

Didn't Know That Was MR. BEAN!

2011-11-10T20:41:00.001-08:00

Dio - Rainbow In The Dark by jpdc11

THE DEVIL'S BLOOD Mini Documentary

2011-11-04T18:29:00.001-07:00

RED STATE - The Best Work of Kevin Smith and That's Not Saying Much

2011-11-01T22:04:00.000-07:00

Just watched this movie a couple of nights ago, I enjoyed it. It helps that I had no expectations.

I had no expectations pretty much because I think that along with M Night Shyamalan, Smith is one of the most overrated directors ever. But this direct to video so-called horror movie came preceded of decent press so I was excited.

One thing to note is that the poster on the left is pretty cool. Inverted crosses and all, I could hardly qualify Red State as a horror movie. Maybe 'religious drama' or something along those lines would be more accurate.

Anyway, religious fanatics always make for pretty entertaining 'entertainment' and one thing to note is that the actors that play the fanatics in this movie get it right. Not to get too much into name dropping and such, but it was good to see a trimmed John Goodman doing his best and then the old lady from The Fighter actually making us hate her almost immediately. Those two are the best, and then of course the dude that does the voice of the stupidest guy in King of the Hill, he was pretty cool, plus he dies a quick blood splattering death, so he gets points for that.

CORROSION OF CONFORMITY Signs To Candlelight Records

2011-11-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

Candlelight Records today proudly announces the worldwide signing of Corrosion Of Conformity. Since early this year, the band -- featuring the esteemed Animosity line-up of vocalist/bassist Mike Dean, guitarist Woody Weatherman, and drummer/vocalist Reed Mullin -- has been working with long-time producer John Custer. Now nearly complete, their still untitled eighth studio album is planned for release early in the New Year.

Gathering last summer to jam as a trio for the first time in over a decade, the treasured threesome quickly rekindled the magic that originally united and ultimately bound the musicians on a journey that today continues to impress both fans and critics. It is the efforts of this line-up that Decibel Magazine recently called "crucial stylistic lynchpin in the bridge between metal and punk. CORROSION OF CONFORMITY irrevocably reshaped crossover's sonic possibilities. AllMusic.com notes, "C.O.C. weren't following any trends. They just incorporated all the things they liked about thrash, punk and 70's metal originators Black Sabbath into their constantly evolving sound. It secured them artistic and commercial credibility."

Candlelight's Steve Beatty says of the signing, "Animosity is one of my favorite records ever. To have C.O.C. on Candlelight with that line-up is simply mouth-watering. I saw the band in London recently and they did not disappoint. This hungry child can't wait for the record."

Candlelight's Edward Christie adds, "we are extremely excited to welcome the band to the label and are looking forward to an amazing album. We are all huge fans and this is truly a memorable day for all of us."

The band shares the excitement the immediate future holds. Woody Weatherman comments, "writing and recording this new record as a three-piece has been a blast. Having Reed back in the fold with Mike and I brings it around full circle. I'm really looking forward to all that lies ahead this upcoming year."

Reed Mullen adds, "Mike, Woody and I essentially learned how to play music together and cultivated our own style, sound, and unspoken language. Re-bonding with them musically has been the greatest thing that's ever happened to me."

In addition to intense work on the album, CORROSION OF CONFORMITY has kept busy in 2011 touring throughout the US and abroad. One of the main attractions at this year's Maryland Death Festival, the band mesmerized a salivating capacity audience. Sean Palmerston, editor for Canada's online magazine Hellbound, said, "I lapped this set up. It was like the tastiest comfort food after a hard day's work. I haven't listened to those classic C.O.C. albums in a long, long time. It put a smile on my face."

Mike Dean says of the new songs, "we have been overdubbing vocals and guitars in between our live dates for the better part of a year. Now it's time to mix. The process we started back in April is finally coming to fruition. The results should reflect all eras of the band's existence filtered through our current reality. This is a beast we can't wait to set free."

Formed in Raleigh, North Carolina in 1982, CORROSION OF CONFORMITY quickly transformed heavy music. Politically charged and socially aware, the band has influenced countless others and today remains humble about their accomplishments. With over 1.1 million albums sold in the United States alone, the new album will be their first since 2005's In The Arms Of God. On release, Billboard Magazine called the album a "riff-fueled set that ranks with
(the band's) best work."

THE DEVIL'S BLOOD To Release New Album Through METAL BLADE

2011-10-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

Metal Blade Records is pleased to announce its union with THE DEVIL'S BLOOD, a hard rock band inspired by vintage metal and underground psychedelic rock of the days of yore. Metal Blade will be releasing the band's upcoming full-length album, The Thousandfold Epicentre, in North America on January 17, 2012. The Thousandfold Epicentre features 11 tracks produced with the help of Pieter Kloos at Void Studios (Eindhoven, The Netherlands).

Says founder and band leader SL: "We are very pleased to be able to announce our partnership with a partner so deeply rooted in tradition and at the same time willing and able to extend their borders to include THE DEVIL'S BLOOD. This industrious quality makes us feel we have chosen a partner who shall not sit idly by as their seeds are growing, but instead shall water the orchard with love and passion so the fruits may become sweet as damnation's wine. Our cult is growing, growing fast, and with the addition of Metal Blade to our family we shall endeavor to make the whole world dream the dreams of Death."

Adds Metal Blade Records head Brian Slagel: "THE DEVIL'S BLOOD has a sound that is quite unique in today's scene. Reminiscent of the classic metal and psychedelic rock bands of the '60s and '70s, THE DEVIL'S BLOOD has created a dark and haunting world made up of intriguing music, strong vocals and musicianship, reflective artwork, and a theatrical stage show that is not to be missed. We are extremely excited to be working with THE DEVIL'S BLOOD and look forward to releasing their upcoming full-length The Thousandfold Epicentre in North America this January."

SL comments further on the upcoming release: "The Thousandfold Epicentre has become a beautiful and horrible child, a child that is about to be offered up unto the Bull headed God. Within the flames of its creation we have heated our irons for the branding of the world. Within its words and music lies the entrance to the path towards the crossroads, towards the unending

singularity and beyond. Our children for Moloch! Hail Satan!"

The Top 10 Worst Atari 2600 Games of All the 70s and 80s and Shit

2011-10-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

HAHHAAH FUCKOS I'M NOT IN THIS LIST FOR ONCE!

Yeah, sure, it's been done, but it's never been done right. Everyone's addicted to these, but there isn't a proper 'top ten worst' list for the Atari 2600. They all include the usual, which typically isn't well-informed. If you see E.T The Extra Terrestrial mentioned, look away. Yeah, you heard me, that's actually a good game. Go read the goddamn manual. To do a list like this, you need to be familiar with the system, like honestly familiar. If you simply checked out some Youtube videos and read some asshole reviews on Gamefaqs, you really don't have a clue. Before we begin, there are a few things to mention.

First off, I will not be considering any PAL releases because I can't play them on my Atari, and I didn't grow up with them since they weren't released in the US. Second, this list is based on three levels of suck: concept, design, and playability. I don't care how well something sold, that's a different issue altogether. If a game was overproduced and it caused Atari to fold, I don't give a shit. The games here are being judged on the merit of their existence qua game. Are there a ton of E.T. carts buried in the sands? Yeah, but that's not a reason to call it the "worst" game on earth. Was Pac-Man the "worst" arcade translation in history? No, and it's not really that bad of a game either.

I also thank the wonderful resources and people over at AtariAge.com, easily the greatest video game site and forum on the Internet. If you're a fan of the system and have never heard of it, check it out. A certain member there pointed me in the right direction and also gave me a bit of help with some of this, but in general all of the information here is coming from personal experience. Also, I'd like to thank Youtube's Highretrogamelord89, who recorded all of these videos (except one) and gave us permission to use them within the blog. Let's hit it.

10. I Want My Mommy

Just the title of this is an entire article. I Want My Mommy was Zimag's foray into children's video games. Nothing new, there are several for the Atari 2600. Some are geared more towards "learning", but a few were gameplay oriented. I Want My Mommy took that direction, and really it isn't that horrible. The problem is the execution. First off, it looks like hell. What you see in the video below is supposed to be a teddy bear avoiding 'dream demons':

Second off, the label art and title are demeaning. Why does it matter? Well, being this is for kids it deserves the lowest spot. Can't really judge the gameplay because it's supposed to be easy. Sorcerer's Apprentice is easy, too. Thing is, it's cool to play. This isn't, and the fact that it glaringly reveals it's for children would make any kid cringe. This is Kid Stuff, says right on the label! Did you get me Sorcerer's Apprentice? No, I got you something better, I Want My Mommy, it's for kids! What a horrible way to make the little ones remember their place in the world, with 'mommy' in the title and blatant wanting of said mommy. Fucking teddy bear is even crying. Would you really want to own that?

9. Mr. Do's Castle

This shocking title deserves a spot, especially since it's the absolute bomb of the Parker Bros. Atari 2600 library. You're not going to find another high-quality company's game sucking as hard as this one, donkey dick too with full swallow. Based on a charming arcade game of the same name, Mr. Do's Castle is easily the worst arcade port in history. Pac-Man usually gets it, but the reason is based on the status quo. Actually, it's a playable game. Just because it doesn't look like the original doesn't mean it sucks. But Mr. Do's Castle takes this to a new level. Not only does it look bad, but all of its difficulty comes from shitty programming. You really have to check out some of the sprite movements in the game, see the video:

That indistinct blob is Mr. Do, and just watch him swing that hammer! Is that what he's doing? Too bad he doesn't seem to fucking hit anything! Another problem is horrid collision detection. It takes forever to figure out. Mr. Do disappears when climbing ladders, he never seems to knock blocks correctly, and the icons are so abstract it's impossible to figure out. It needs to be experienced to truly grasp, but Mr. Do's Castle for the 2600 is easily the worst arcade port ever made, for any system, for all time. There is no way to reach beyond what it's accomplished, and it came from the hands of the same company that released Frogger and Spider-Man. The only thing they got right was the soundtrack, which is finely programmed. If the soundtrack was fucked, this game would have easily fallen around number 4 on this list. It's also kind of hard to find, so if you want it, you sick bastard, you're going to have to pay a bit to get it.

8. 3D Tic-Tac-Toe

This is one of those games that gets ragged on quite a bit and it fucking deserves it. The fact that anyone thought this was a good idea makes you shake your head until your neck breaks. Imagine: "Hey, I have this idea for a game where it's tic-tac-toe, but it's like four stacked levels in "3D" (quotes absolutely required)". Does that sound cool to anyone? The thing about some of these board-to-video-game conversions is it's more fun to pull the real game out. Though it's easier to throw in a Checkers cartridge so you avoid the whole set-up thing, you can't toss the pieces in the air and throw the board out the window. But at least the set up is avoided.

Tic-tac-toe just doesn't make any sense. All it takes is a piece of paper and pencil. This probably explains the fact that they "hyped" up the play by adding four stacked "3D" levels of tic-tac-toe madness with extra squares. Problem is, it's a pain in the ass, like a full fist in the ass covered with spikes and broken glass. You can either play against another human, or you can play against the computer. It's pretty smart, so that's cool, but there are two main problems. First off, when you get enough Xs and Os on the screen, it's mindnumbing. But let's let that one go and just agree I can't play it. Second and most important is the computer in advanced levels will take upwards of 20 minutes to make a move. You read that right, it even says so in the manual. If you want a real challenge, you can expect it to last pretty much all fucking day, literally. The cover art is hilarious too, did they really think anyone would get the idea the artwork conveys when the title involves 'tic-tac-toe'? No, never. I actually don't know anyone who owned this game back in the day. Thank God.

7. Fire Fighter

Hey, wait a minute, this game is cool! No, I know what you're thinking, and it's actually Towering Inferno. Totally different game. You'd think the guy who programmed Asteroids would make another winner, but this one proves wunderkind is an overused term. Fire Fighter is an odd game, and it actually could have been pretty cool. The graphics are tight and you can tell exactly what you're looking at down to the poor little victim in the building and the way your fire fighter moves. The controls are smooth, though a bit awkward at first, and it's easy to play. But then you realize what it's about, and that's where this one goes down in flames.

Fire Fighter involves saving people in a burning building and putting out a fire. Problem, the game is simply timed, there is no scoring system, nothing to beat, nothing to strive for. Your goal is to fight fires in the shortest amount of time. Even cooler is they actually go out on their own whether you blast them or not. Fire Fighter is boring as shit and offers no real incentive to play. It almost feels like it was made for children due to the weak gameplay and lack of challenge. If you're interested in going for gold and getting the shortest time, by all means, take this one with you to the psych floor.

6. Space Jockey

Space Jockey is the perfect example of a genre beaten into the ground and then fucked for good measure. The guys who made this were actually a subsidy of Quaker Oats, so that's probably enough for most people to stay away. They decided to get in on the action of the Atari 2600 and eyerape the world with shitty games. This is their worst, in addition to being one of the worst shooters in history, if not the granddaddy, dictator extraordinaire of them all. Space Jockey, to be fair, looks pretty good and it's even got 'NEW Improved Video Graphics' whatever in the hell that means. Plus, its concept isn't exactly stupid.

You're controlling a UFO that's apparently attacking the earth, as evidenced by the helicopters and such you destroy, as well as trees. Wait, you get points for non-moving objects that can't even attack? Oh well, that's okay, let's play! And play...and play...and play and play and play and play and Christ what the fuck is this?!!! Space Jockey suffers from one major and important thing, it's monotonous. Beyond monotonous. This game is so fucking monotonous it would make a metronome explode. Space Jockey offers no challenge whatsoever, and it just keeps going! It never fucking stops! All you can do is shoot, shoot, shoot some more, dodge some pathetic enemy fire and keep on going. There aren't any new enemies, their attack patterns don't change, they don't get any more difficult, and it doesn't matter if you let them pass by. Space Jockey, like many games on this list, had potential, but it blows it in the worst possible way. This slot almost went to Laser Blast, which has a similar sense of monotony, but what saved it was real challenge.

5. Flag Capture

Flag Capture is basically a video game version of capture the flag, or well, sort of, actually no. Basically, this is something of a precursor to Minesweeper. Your goal? Find a flag. How? Via clues that appear when you click on squares. The game is for one or two players, but it's doubtful you'll find anyone to share in that experience. Other two-player games, such as Air Sea Battle, at least have the 'fuck you dude I'll kill you' factor when things get crazy. Flag Capture, well, it's just boring, there's not much else to say, just look and you'll know:

The clues are a little too vague, such as telling you how many squares separate you and the flag. If you get '5', yeah, it doesn't help much, and random bombs that end your turn are annoying as piss. Not to mention the absolutely depressing one-player games it offers, which includes the irritating 'moving flag' option where, you guessed it, the flag continues to move around and you end up basically tard-mashing the button until you find it. Another reason I put this here is the artwork. Seriously, talk about false advertising. Atari games early on had some suspicious art, but this one is probably the best example of how deceptive it was at times. Don't trust them!

4. Bugs

Poor Data Age, they never really got it right except for Frankenstein's Monster. Most of their releases were shit, and some like Sssnake are typically on lists like this. Bugs, however, is easily their worst. Just listen to this story: You have been sent to investigate a life form that has been detected on a long-dead planet. Passing through the deadly Cosmic Tunnel, you land on the barren planet's surface to find an underground world ruled by a race of intelligent Super-Bugs! Honestly, that sounds like a potentially cool game, but Bugs definitely does not deliver. Basically, you control a little aimer and have to kill the "bugs" as they move up the screen. Some of these bugs look suspiciously like salamanders, some have no heads, and others look like sticks, but whatever. One problem is the design. Where in the hell are the bugs coming from? Just look:

Shooting them is boring, but of course Data Age threw in a further annoyance called the 'Phalanx'. It's basically an enemy aimer of sorts that comes from the side. If it hits your aimer, you lose a life. What sort of strange dimension are these aimers battling in anyway? Isn't this the aimer on my ship? Where does the Phalanx really exist? I'll leave that one for Sartre. But the big issue with the fucking thing is that you shoot from angles, so the only way to hit it is pretty much when it appears on screen. Add to that the fact that Bugs speeds up after about ten seconds, and you just have a disaster. It's totally unplayable, it's the definition of it.

3. Karate

The Atari 2600 has plenty of cool head-to-head games where ass kicking reigns. Combat, Fishing Derby, there are plenty of them. Karate, shit, that's easy! Who wouldn't want to play a cool game similar to Activision's Boxing but with the addition of foot attacks? Seems like an easy victory, but somehow Froggo managed to fuck this one up beyond recognition. Well, let's give them some credit, they simply wanted to cash in and didn't actually have anything to do with the programming. Then again, the sad attempt to make a buck on this is appalling. Really, just watching the video is enough to see how horrible this game is:

The controls are actually quite easy to figure out, but man, what a fucking mess. The translation of character movements into sprites does not work, at all. They look to be suffering from scurvy, and there's pretty much no real collision detection. This effectively kills any strategic elements. I personally enjoy how you get to the edge of the screen and the program immediately warps the players back to the middle. What in the fuck just happened? There really isn't any real strategy, easy controls aside. It's basically just button mashing, which is the direct antithesis of what this type of game should be like.

2. Star Ship

Nice box art, looks like about a million forgotten sci-fi novels. Who wouldn't enjoy this, right? Stars and ships, finally brought together. Is the ship made of stars? Does the ship carry stars within its cargo bay? Play Star Ship and you too can answer these questions! I didn't even know about this terror until I found a copy at a garage sale. Considering Bob Whitehead (Stampede, Private Eye, etc.) programmed it, the situation becomes doubly depressing. That's the essence of this game, deep-seated, empty, vast depression. Prepare thy Prozac commander:

Star Ship is the bare minimum. It offers the most abstract, empty graphics you're ever going to see, and the gameplay throws you into the doldrums in a few seconds. Think Star Raiders but completely lacking. There's absolutely no strategy and the main game simply involves killing as many enemy ships as you can within a time limit. Other options involve dodging objects like a true star ship captain. And the two-player options, awesome! One lets you control the ship and the other guy gets the guns. Apparently, Atari actually removed this game from their stock later on, simply because it was so pathetic. When the company that made such a bad decision with E.T. takes a game off the shelves, best stay away. Trust me, this is the bare minimum. Probably the most simplistic and boring game in the system's entire library.

1. Fire Fly

Here it is, my friends. If you don't agree with this pick, seriously, play it. Find it, learn about it, and then play it. Fire Fly is easily the worst game for the 2600 and probably the worst game in the world. Mythicon and what it represents is one of the reasons for the video game crash, and when you see Fire Fly you'll understand. They came in trying to be the 'low end' guys by selling games at the price of $9.95, which apparently worked at first. But then people realized what they were doing. The issue was all three of their titles are essentially the same code, just altered slightly to make "different" games. However, Sorcerer and Star Fox actually have a little going for them. Fire Fly, holy fucking shit. First off, get a load of the story they put behind this one, that link takes you to a huge bunch of text that's seriously from the manual. Makes it sound cool, doesn't it? Just look at this horrible creation:

Honestly, how did anyone think this could possibly be published? The "music" is irritating, there are no sound effects, your character is easily the most indistinct sprite in history, and the gameplay is non-existent. Each screen brings a new enemy that the manual tries desperately to explain, but nothing actually means anything. This is one of those things that leaves you utterly dumbfounded. You figure I'd have something clever to say, some sort of silly metaphor to explain it, but you don't need any of that. Fire Fly is its own metaphor, it's its own definition, it's own explanation. What's Fire Fly like? Just answer Fire Fly to that and you understand everything. Bad day? This day really Fire Flies. I got a Fire Fly on my report card. This game stands for everything wrong. It's even beyond the worst evil you could imagine. This is stuff that's going to be banned in Germany for at least another two-hundred years. Best part? Look at the upper left corner of the box. This is the first frikken game?! They planned more, at least in theory?! Someone find them and put and end to the madness!

DANAVA Tour Dates

2011-10-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

Fresh off a full tour of Europe, Danava returns to the States for acoast-to-coast co-headlining tour with Thrones, kicking off tonight in San Francisco, CA.

Danava's latest album, *Hemisphere of Shadows,* was released October 4 on Kemado Records and earned these words from Decibel Magazine:

Yep, no denying it: Danava loves Sabbath. To its immense credit, however, the band chooses to kick it on the *Vol. 4* tip rather than open another franchise in the cottage industry of *Master of Reality* riff reheating. *Hemisphere of Shadows, *the follow-up to Danava'ss much-acclaimed 2008 effort *UnonoU*, also throws a wonderfully off-kilter early Alice Cooper vibe, the swagger of The Band's more upbeat cuts, and some serious guitar acrobatics into the
mix ” which is to say, the songs groove but remain unpredictable. Hallucinatory,
even.

DANAVA + Thrones:
Oct 12 - San Francisco, CA @ Bottom of the Hill
Oct 13 - Los Angeles, CA @ The Satellite
Oct 14 - San Diego, CA @ Soda Bar
Oct 15 - Phoenix, AZ @ Yellow Canary Dancehall
Oct 16 - Tucson, AZ @ Solar Culture
Oct 18 - San Antonio, TX @ The 1011
Oct 19 - Austin, TX @ Mohawk
Oct 20 - New Orleans, LA @ One Eyed Jacks
Oct 22 - Nashville, TN @ The End
Oct 23 - Atlanta, GA @ 529
Oct 25 - Baltimore, MD @ Golden West Cafe
Oct 26 - Philadelphia, PA @ Kung Fu Necktie
Oct 27 - Brooklyn, NY @ The Acheron
Oct 28 - Brooklyn, NY @ Union Pool
Oct 29 - Boston, MA @ Midway Cafe
Oct 30 - Providence, RI @ Machines with Magnets
Oct 31 - Portland, ME @ Space Gallery
Nov 1 - Montreal, QC @ Sala Rossa
Nov 2 - Toronto, ON @ The Garrison
Nov 3 - Detroit, MI @ Lager House
Nov 4 - Bloomington, IN @ Russian Recording
Nov 5 - Chicago, IL @ Empty Bottle
Nov 7 - Kansas City, MO @ Record Bar
Nov 8 - Omaha, NE @ The Waiting Room
Nov 9 - Denver, CO @ The Hi Dive
Nov 12 - Seattle, WA @ Comet Tavern

GRAVE DESECRATOR Sign to PULVERISED Records

2011-10-06T20:39:00.000-07:00

Brazilian death metallers GRAVE DESECRATOR have officially joined the Pulverised Records extreme metal family! Formed in 1998 and backed by two full-length albums and a string of EPs, GRAVE DESECRATOR remains one of the few remaining Brazilian acts true to its untamed and barbaric form of death metal darkness.

Commented bassist Necrogoat on the union: "We're really ravished to be signed with Pulverised Records, a label that really fits to our music in terms of ideological aspects and works professionally. We are sure this partnership will result in a tormenting sonic deliverance that will lead you all to a thunderous and malignant holocaust! The new album shall come in 2012, and we promise it will not disappoint! It will contain lots of good surprises on it, but with the same infamous essence we have become known for! We are really eager for this release! We are the BRAZILIAN BLACKEST METAL MASSACRE!"

Added Pulverised Records' A&R Manager Calvin Chiang also added: "Anyone with a knowledge of traditional Brazilian death metal will know most distinguishing quality: its rabid, unstoppable force of christ-bashing sonic blasphemy. GRAVE DESECRATOR is of course no exception and we believe the follow-up to (2012) Insult will definitely exceed our expectations. GRAVE DESECRATOR shall carry the burning flag of old school Brazilian death metal up high and be prepared for one of the most lethal death metal albums in 2012!"

WOODEN SHJIPS Tour Dates

2011-10-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

TOUR DATES:

Nov 5 Chicago, IL Empty Bottle w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 6 Detroit, MI Magic Stick Lounge w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 7 Toronto, ON Horseshoe Tavern w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 8 Montreal, QC La Sala Rossa w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 9 Cambridge, MA TT The Bear's w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 10 Brooklyn, NY Music Hall of Williamsburg w/Birds Of Avalon
Nov 11 Philadelphia, PA Kung Fu Necktie
Nov 12 Raleigh, NC Kings Barcade w/Birds Of Avalon

Wooden Shjips - Lazy Bones from Thrill Jockey Records on Vimeo.

GOKUTSUBUSHI Forever!!!

2011-09-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago a Japanese label called Captain Trip sent me this package with a handful of jewels. From the bunch, the one I remember the most was an album called Syouhu Wo Awaremu Uta from a freaky band called Gokutsubushi.

Gokutsubishi has the habit of freaking out in about every single song, usually after they have played the blues for a good five minutes. I especially love the vocals which are super gruff and rowdy but even more especially, I love the guitars. Like every other good hard rock blues psyche band Gokutsubushi have an articulate axeman who loves jerking off on his guitar.

Nowadays I can't find the CD, but I often revert back to it accidentally. For some reason my Ipod has the habit of repeating one track. Not sure what the track is called as the characters are in Japanese.

BLACK COBRA Live Dates With KYUSS LIVES

2011-09-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

The previously-announced second leg of the Kyuss Lives! North American tour dates this November, featuring BLACK COBRA and The Sword in support, has just expanded to include five brand additional dates including Los Angeles at the beginning of the tour, and four new East Coast shows at the end of the tour (Baltimore, MD, New Haven, CT, Huntington, NY, Montclair, NJ).

BLACK COBRA w/ Kyuss Lives!, The Sword:
11/17/2011 House of Blues - San Diego, CA
11/18/2011 Wiltern Theatre - Los Angeles, CA **
11/19/2011 The Regency Ballroom - San Francisco, CA
11/21/2011 Roseland Theatre - Portland, OR w/ YOB
11/22/2011 Showbox SODO - Seattle, WA w/ YOB
11/23/2011 Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, BC
11/26/2011 Flames Central - Calgary, AB
11/27/2011 Edmonton Event Centre - Edmonton, AB
11/29/2011 Garrick Centre - Winnipeg, MB
11/30/2011 First Avenue - Minneapolis, MN
12/01/2011 Turner Ballroom - Milwaukee, WI
12/02/2011 Vic Theatre - Chicago, IL
12/03/2011 Crofoot Ballroom - Pontiac, MI
12/05/2011 The Palace Theater - Greensburg, PA
12/06/2011 Town Ballroom - Buffalo, NY
12/07/2011 Ramâ's Head Live - Baltimore, MD **
12/08/2011 Toadâ's Place - New Haven, CT **
12/09/2011 The Paramount - Huntington, NY **
12/10/2011 Wellmont Theatre - Montclair, NJ **
[** = newly announced tour date]

So I Renewed My Subscription to DECIBEL Magazine

2011-09-25T19:43:00.000-07:00

So after only a couple of months of having cancelled my Decibel subscription I had to renew it. There was no way around it.

First, I kept on getting these e-mails regarding the upcoming issues and those kinda got me thinking and jonesing. Second, three issues that followed the issue with Electric Wizard on the cover were so great (Chuck Schuldiner, Ghost & Pentagram) I found myself making frequent visits to Barnes & Noble. Considering that the retail price plus the gas consumed adds up to quite a bit more than the per issue price of a subscription should have been enough to rethink my cancellation.

But the most important factor regarding my renewal was the fact that as far as metal writing goes there is no mag that comes even close to Decibel. If there is anything that Decibel has going for it is its editor Albert Mudrian. Period, the man has taste and the pull to gather the most talented staff. Also, as a side note, I am inclined to think that the few shit bands that get included in the mag are part of the price he has to pay to keep the mag afloat. I mean, the latest issue features Chimaira for fuck's sake!

Anyway, I have been reading metal mags since i was about eleven years old. I am hooked. So after I cancelled my subscription I thought I'd be able to replace Decibel with something else. There are a few great fanzines, but those don't come with the regularity of a real mag and would leave too much time in between without learning about underground music. The 'mainstream' (for lack of a better term) options available are not at all enticing; Revolver is for children and people with awful taste, Zero Tolerance comes in tiny size, is printed in eye-irritating colors and minuscule fonts and seems to have been designed by someone with Tourette's and Terrorizer's emphasis on folk and power metal gets on my balls, plus their design is fucking awful as well. And did I mention that Terrorizer and Zero Tolerance being imports cost $10. Fuck, not in this economy. Oh yeah, and then there is Hails & Horns, but please, does anyone read that shit?

So Decibel may be far from perfect but still beats out the competition by a longshot. It is not only the writing - the finest I have seen regarding metal in my thirty odd years - but the well-thought out and always entertaining structure of the magazine (some of the regular columns are hit & miss but nothing is perfect) which elevates this periodical and puts it playing by its own standards. So yeah, I capitulate...

If You Ever Feel Like MEXICAN in TAMPA BAY

2011-09-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

Around these parts people go crazy at the mere mention of TacoBus, which is for some reason an institution in the Bay Area. It is not that I don't like the food of the place, it is just that when I go there it is so packed it takes 15 minutes to find a decent table and secondly, and more importantly, the Hillsborough Ave. location smells like piss. Still, people love the dive and don't mind munching on a giant burrito right next to a puddle of brown water.

Not long ago I was driving around with nothing to do when I stumbled upon TacoSon, the mexican joint pictured above. I stopped by and have been back weekly ever since. The plates are delicious, big and super cheap. The place is also air conditioned and doesn't smell like a letrine. Also, their selection of hot sauces is much better than that of Taco Bus. TacoSon is located a bit out of the way, but believe me...it is worth the gas in bean farts.

The place is located here:

7521 N. 56th St.

Tampa, FL 33617

Endorsement: JALAPEñOS

2011-09-22T22:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite recipe involving jalapeños is simple:

Two slices of bread
Turkey (not the shit kind sold at Wal Mart)
Cheap American cheese (you can actually replace this with any other kind of cheese. I don't give a fuck)
Mustard

Mayo

Knife
Plate

Place one slice on top of the plate, add turkey, then squirt some mustard and spread mayo with the knife, then add some cheese, and top it with about three whole jalapeños sliced thickly. Finally, add the other slice. Take big bites, and swallow really fast or if you are a pussy, the roof of your mouth will get scorched.

I know that's kind of a stupid recipe but it's my favorite sandwich. Tastes better than hot dogs and Kobe beef burgers that go for about $20.

Anyway, time to finish watching The Lincoln Lawyer with Matthew McConaghuey. Marisa Tomei is also in it, hope she shows her tits.

BAJO LA PIEL - Watch It If You Find It

2011-09-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

In this day and age, where almost every movie ever made is available for free download online, it is still impossible to find a link to this old Peruvian film, let alone a good quality hard copy.

I watched it for the first time a few years ago, after I found an old taped straight form the TV VHS copy at a small video store in Queens, NY. The movie is excellent, especially if what you dig are good thrillers. And I could notice all this, despite the fact that the image quality and even the audio where so shitty, there were entire segments where I could barely make out the actor's faces or hear exactly what they were saying.

The movie involves a small town cop who falls for a Spanish archeologist who likes to get fucked a bit too freely. The cop grows jealous and shit starts flying. Bajo La Piel is the type of movie that Hitchcock would have made, had he been born in Peru. Bajo la Piel is also the type of movie that fucking Facets should have in its catalogue, but that tragically, it hasn't.

HESHER - Fuck the World and Fuck This Movie

2011-09-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

I know we are supposed to be digging this movie just because it has some metal in it and because the lead character is played by the kid form 3rd Rock From the Sun, but for reals, I could only stand about the first twenty minutes of it, which by all means were actually pretty funny. It was not that the movie took a turn for the worse, but that it actually didn't go anywhere.

There is this kid, right? He gets shit in school, his dad is played by the goofy flabby guy from The Office and he has a beard because I guess when your family dies, you just stop shaving, because that means you don't give a shit. And then there's his grandma, who is this old bitch that really doesn't count and actually only comes into play in the last part of the movie.

Anyway, he misses his mom because she just died in a car accident. Enter Hesher, a long-haired hippy who prefers shitty tattoes and really, truly doesn't give a shit about anything or anyone. Hesher just hangs around, without a shirt and really just speaks non sense for a good while. Not much happens then. Oh yeah, there is Natalie Portman who is all made up to look like a dorky ugly, and actually the kid is in love with her, but inevitably, it is Hesher who ends up putting his pecker up her bird nest... Anyway, this movie sucks. Fuck it...it sucks almost as much as the Iron Lamb record, which I am listening to right now, and actually, really fucking sucks.

CELDA 211 - Recommended Viewing

2011-09-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

I have thought several times about cancelling Netflix. Especially since they spiked their prices and didn't even bother sending me a notice. Mostly it's because I don't get to watch too many good movies.

Lately, this Spanish film was able to captivate me. That's kind of a prissy word, ain't it? Anyway, you get the idea. Good plot, good acting. Very tense film. Not a lot of fighting, but enough build up to compensate for the lack of physical violence.

I guess Celda 211 won a few awards in Spain. The eyebrows of Luis Tosar should have gotten their own statue. Motherfucker is hairy. Bald but hairy. Which is like the biggest irony God ever created...if he exists. Otherwise we can just say life sucks...

Anyway, I tend to like movies where the protagonist/good guy dies. And that happens in this one. Not only that, but so does his pregnant girlfriend. I hope I didn't just ruin the experience for you...

BRåKIN BRåK, Stupidest Black Metal Cover EVER

2011-09-17T21:21:00.000-07:00

No joke, these ruskies are for real. Because nothing spells grimness, and blackness and evil like a bunch of goofy animals dancing....

Wait a minute, is that a fox playing a violin?

...and how about them squirrels, eh? They are so cute!

LOS SAICOS, ¡Demolición! The Complete Recordings

2011-09-17T21:16:00.000-07:00

Was home about fifteen years ago and read an article in some glossy mag about this band, which apparently no one had bothered listening to in at least twenty years. It had taken a small Spanish boutique label to unearth all their recordings. They had pressed 500 10 inch vinyls, which sufficed to include the totality of their work.

A few of these copies had made it down south, so I rushed to Galerias Brasil to score my own. I paid $20. Once I heard it, I was blown away.

Years and years have passed. The Black Lips helped spread the word and now their work is being reissued left and right, remastered and cleaned. My 10 inch copy sounds like shit; jumps, skips, not so virginal sounds taken straight out of the 45's. Just how it should be.

Demolition

I Never Forgot How Great They Were - REVEREND BIZARRE

2011-09-17T17:29:00.001-07:00

I Forgot How Great They Were - SLEATER KINNEY

2011-09-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

ANNTHENNATH, States of Liberating Departure Out Through WOHRT Records

2011-09-04T17:13:00.000-07:00

BLACKDEATH, Jesus Wept Out Through WOHRT Records

2011-08-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

DAEMONLORD, Godless Prayers - Out Through WOHRT Records

2011-08-22T07:13:00.000-07:00

FALLING DOWN IIV Comp - Coming soon

2011-08-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

These French fellas have been putting out these awesome comps for a while and now they are getting closer to unleash the latest edition. As it was with the previous comps, Falling Down includes previously unreleased tracks from some pretty great artists, Karma to Burn, Rosetta, Black Sun, Year of No Light, even my countrymen of Ayahuasca Dark Trip.

Check the trailer below...

Sci-Fi Adventures: On Wheels

2011-08-13T21:03:00.001-07:00

This is a weird one. I have a ton of sci-fi novels I've read since my last review, but this one stood out. John Jakes is mainly known for historical fiction. He did some series that I think eventually led to the video game "North and South", but don't quote me on that even though I just did. In addition to historical fiction, he also wrote a number of sci-fi novels, but most of them apparently weren't memorable, or, judging by this one, just sadly forgotten. You'd have figured a novel touted as the next Slaughterhouse-Five or Dune would at least have a decent blurb somewhere, but even Wikishitia doesn't mention it in his bibliography. Typical for that shithole.

On Wheels is one of the strangest sci-fi novels I've ever read. The premise is incredibly stupid and it's largely boring at first, but by the end, there's just something about it. To start, check out the cover there, what in the shit is going on? I get it, it's symbolic, but I mean, you've got a naked boy with a firebird apparently getting ready to sodomize him as he rolls along the road in his car body amongst a backdrop of weird, 40s-styled artwork of cars on the road. I haven't seen a weird, inordinate sci-fi cover like this since Rena Vale's Taurus Four. So, needless to say, On Wheels sucked me in with it's ridiculous cover, which is what good sci-fi is all about. When people peruse my collection, this is one of the first I pull out to elicit some laughs.

So what's it about? On Wheels, to be brief, fits in the "Mad Max" category to some extent, so if you like that post-apocalyptic craziness with cars and road warriors, this one should get your vroooming. But the 'road warriors' here are different, much different. It's hard to reveal without giving you the "secret" behind the book, so I need to do it. If you want to keep it sacred until you read it yourself, then just stop and check out another one of our splendid articles.

Okay, so America is fighting some unexplained war with the East, presumably China. Funds are sucked dry, but people are living okay, albeit in a really crazy fashion. Really, you're not given too much of an indication how they live until the end, other than chance meetings with them on the road when they're referred to as 'stoppers'. Any time people want to hit the roads, they do it en mass to the point that there are thousands of highway casualties. So, essentially, the population of America has been strained to the point that there are so many of us we end up dying from proximity. Enter the clans. The clans are huge families with names that refer to driving and the 50s. The main character, for example, is named Billy Spoiler. All of the clans live on the roads, literally, like, they never stop driving, EVER. They have to maintain a speed of at least 40 at all times and have big parties in giant road vans, so Jakes immediately creates a very strange world. He also mixes up the action by using road signs and such to break the movement of the prose, which is a really cool touch. On Wheels has three main parts, but the plot is pretty basic.

Billy Spoiler is a boy from one clan, and you meet plenty of others. He eventually falls in love with a girl named Rose Ann, which of course causes tension with a rough-and-tumble young whippersnapper from a rival clan named Lee Ramp. Their clan is known for driving recklessly. Billy races him to win her, kills him (or so you think), and then he eventually reappears all burned and crippled after they get married. There are marriage tensions, Billy almost kills his wife after he catches her cheating on him, and in the middle of trying to get her to an off road hospital (which has never been done), you learn all about the truth of the world. During this, Billy is engaged in a race duel with Lee Ramp, who's legendary cousin Big Daddy Hardcharger races for since he's crippled. Big Daddy is a specter of sorts throughout the novel (who's trying to be the first to ever drive 50 millions miles), and when you see him he's pretty much what you expect, a fat biker dude driving a crazy car. They duel as Billy learns the truth of the world, Rose Ann dies while he's trying to get her help off the road, and then he rejoins Big Daddy in the race and kills them both.

Overall, On Wheels has this bizarre charm. It's really a fun read when you get into it, and once you learn about the clans and get used to their lingo and lives, it has a cool groove. The overall concept that the government is saving societal collapse by keeping 10% of the population permanently on the roads (the clans) is pretty silly, but Jakes keeps the writing and storyline moving along at an awesome pace, so you really can't complain. The way it's divided into three sections that give this distinct feel of a car slowly speeding up and exploding by the end is fitting. I'm excited to see what else Jakes has done, and I can only hope it's as interesting, if not as slightly silly, as On Wheels. It's a short, fast read, a little goofy, but damn was it fun.

THE POWER OF THE RIFF Mixtape

2011-08-02T18:20:00.000-07:00

Southern Lord Presents Free 20-Song THE POWER OF THE RIFF Mix Tape

In preparation for THE POWER OF THE RIFF 2011, with five West Coast shows announced to take place later this month, Southern Lord is giving away a brutal 20-track mix tape featuring artists set to appear during the upcoming melee! The free download includes tracks from ALL PIGS MUST DIE, BAPTISTS, EYEHATEGOD, PENTAGRAM, BLACK COBRA, PELICAN, NOOTHGRUSH, WINTER, TRAP THEM and more, as well as a collection of flyers from all of the upcoming TPOTR shows.

GET IT HERE (http://www.mediafire.com/?lo12l6b50yob0ub) !

THE POWER OF THE RIFF 2011 Mix Tape:
01 ALL PIGS MUST DIE "Pulverization"
02 BAPTISTS "Good Parenting"
03 EYEHATEGOD "Jack Ass in the Will of God"
04 MASAKARI "Trapped In The Mold"
05 ALPINIST "Hak Nam"
06 SKIN LIKE IRON "Consequences"
07 EARLY GRAVES "Wraiths"
08 SEVEN SISTERS OF SLEEP "Sundown"
09 PENTAGRAM "Call The Man"
10 BLACK BREATH "Children Of The Horn"
11 PLAGUES "Breathing"
12 HARASSOR "Glory Raped"
13 ACEPHALIX "Interminable Night"
14 BLACK COBRA "Negative Reversal"
15 Ã†GES "Roaches"
16 SLAVE "Rise Of Shame"
17 TRAP THEM "Carnage Incarnate"
18 NOOTHGRUSH "Oil Removed"
19 PELICAN "Strung Up From The Sky"
20 WINTER "Eternal Frost"
Southern Lord Presents: THE POWER OF THE RIFF 2011:
8/13/2011 Echo/Echoplex â€“ Los Angeles, CA
Pentagram, Eyehategod, Winter, Pelican, Trap Them, All Pigs Must Die, Acephalix, Black Cobra, Skin Like Iron, Baptists, Masakari, Alpinist, Seven Sisters of Sleep, Aeges, Early Graves, Slave Doors @ Noon
8/15/2011 Elbo Room San Francisco, CA
Winter, Noothgrush, Trap Them, Black Breath, All Pigs Must Die, Acephalix Doors @ 7:00pm
8/16/2011 The Mezzanine San Francisco, CA
Pentagram, Pelican, Alpinist, Masakari, Early Graves, Baptists, Aeges
Doors @ 6:30pm
8/18/2011 Neumo Seattle, WA
Winter, Pelican, Noothgrush, All Pigs Must Die, Alpinist, Masakari, Aeges
Doors @ 6:00pm
8/20/2011 The Highline Seattle, WA
From Ashes Rise, Black Breath, Trap Them, Baptists + more TBA Doors @ 9:30

MAGRUDERGRIND / DESPISE YOU Tour Dates

2011-07-22T19:07:00.000-07:00

On the heels of last year's "Crusher" EP, and recently back from European dates in Finland, Sweden, and the Czech Republic (as well as the Obscene Extreme Fest where they performed with the likes of Entombed, Brujeria, Brutal Truth and more), Washington DC/New York CIty grindcore trio Magrudergrind has announced plans to set out on a series of East Coast tour dates kicking off this September. Along for the ride will be West Coast powerviolence veterans Despise You (ex Spazz / East/West Blast Test), who themselves will be taking part in their first ever East Coast tour in support of their recently released and critically acclaimed split LP with Agoraphobic Nosebleed on Relapse Records.

Making stops in most major cities along the way from Boston to Gainesville, the tour will meet up with special guests including Floor, Suppression, Defeatist, Cannabis Corpse, Primate, Shitstorm, Asshole Parade, and will feature two stops in Florida, a state Magrudergrind has not performed in since 2009.

In addition to the dates with Despise You, Magrudergrind will also be performing at this year's Best Friends Day in Richmond, The California Discord Fest in Los Angeles and TheFest in Florida, and are currently writing material for a new full length album tentatively scheduled for release in 2012.

Magrudergrind / Despise You Live!
9/9 - Washington, D.C. @ TBA
9/10 - Cambridge, MA @ The Democracy Center *
9/11 - Brooklyn, NY @ Shea Stadium ^
9/12 - Philadelphia, PA @ The Barbary w/ Backslider, Callous
9/13 - Richmond, VA @ Strange Matter %
9/14 - Raleigh, NC @ Kings
9/15 - Atlanta, GA @ WonderRoot #!
9/16 - Tampa, FL @ Transitions Art Gallery #
9/17 - Gainesville, FL @ The Atlantic #$

* = w/ Vaccine and more
^ = w/ Defeatist and more
% = w/ Suppression, Cannabis Corpse
# = w/ Shitstorm
#! = w/ Shitstorm and Primate
#$ = w/ Shitstorm, Floor, Asshole Parade

BABY WOODROSE Reissued

2011-07-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

On October 23rd Bad Afro Records will re-issue the Baby Woodrose album Love Comes Down. For many people this can be considered the “lost” Baby Woodrose album. It was originally released in 2006 and followed the succesful Money For Soul album. At the time Love Comes Down was only released in Scandinavia and not many people outside here ever got the chance to hear it. Which is a shame as it contains a great mix of pretty straight forward garage rockers mixed with beautiful moodier stuff.The vinyl version was only released in 500 copies which makes it the most rare Baby Woodrose LP to date.

But that will change now when Bad Afro will release it again – this time with extra material included. The 1st press of 500 copies on black vinyl will include a free 7” single on 33 1/3 rpm with two exclusive songs recorded at the same sessions as Love Comes Down. We are talking two hard stoner rock songs called Cheery Bomb and The Keeper that together clocks in at more than 12 minutes. Guest appearances Eduardo Martinez (The Flaming Sideburns) and Yebo (The Tremolo Beer Gut).

Love Comes Down featured the original Baby Woodrose line-up: Lorenzo Woodrose on guitar/vocals, Fuzz Daddy on drums and The Moody Guru on bass (the two last mentioned also play with Lorenzo in Dragontears and Spids Nøgenhat these days).

Deaf Sparrow Zine endorses serious freaks....especially if they sound like transvestite versions of Monster Magnet.

TOTIMOSHI Tour Dates

2011-07-14T18:42:00.000-07:00

California trio, TOTIMOSHI, are pleased to announce their long-awaited U.S. tour. Set to commence on August 4, 2011 in Scottsdale, Arizona, the trek will weave its way through nearly 30 cities, before winding down on September 3, 2011 in Tucson, Arizona. The band will be touring in support of their soon-to-be-unleashed Avenger full-length, scheduled to hit streets on August 16, 2011 via At A Loss Recordings. Avenger was produced by Toshi Kasai (Melvins, Shrinebuilder, Tool), mastered by John Golden (Melvins, Mike Watt, OM) and includes appearances by Dale Crover (Altamont, The Melvins, Shrinebuilder), Brent Hinds (Mastodon) and Scott Kelly (Neurosis, Shrinebuilder).

Commented guitarist/vocalist Antonio Aguilar of the upcoming run of dates: "Totimoshi is looking forward to rocking the fuck out in your town!"

TOTIMOSHI U.S. Tour 2011 (more dates to be announced shortly):

8/04/2011 Chaser's - Scottsdale, AZ w/ Greenhaven
8/05/2011 The Due Return - Santa Fe,
NM 8/06/2011 3 Kings Tavern - Denver, CO w/ Ume, Self Service
8/07/2011 Duffy’s - Lincoln, NE
8/08/2011 Off Minor - Dubuque, IA
8/09/2011 Garibalid’s - Milwaukee, WI w/ Sleestak, Like Like The Death Deaths
8/10/2011 The Frequency - Madison, WI
8/11/2011 Ultra Lounge - Chicago, IL
8/12/2011 Mac’s Bar - Lansing, MI
8/13/2011 Stone Tavern - Kent, OH w/ Rebreather, The Unclean
8/14/2011 Hard Luck - Toronto, ON
8/15/2011 TBA - Montreal, QC
8/16/2011 Daniel St. - Milford, CT
8/17/2011 O’Brien’s - Cambridge, MA
8/19/2011 TBA - Providence, RI
8/20/2011 Saint Vitus - Brooklyn, NY
8/21/2011 Golden West - Baltimore, MD
8/22/2011 Strange Matter - Richmond, VA
8/26/2011 Milestone - Charlotte, NC w / Music Hates You
8/27/2011 The Drunken Unicorn - Atlanta, GA w/ Zoroaster
8/28/2011 Hi Tone Café - Memphis, TN
8/29/2011 Siberia - New Orleans, LA
8/30/2011 The Mink - Houston, TX
8/31/2011 Scoot Inn - Austin, TX w/ Vaz, Pygmie Shrews
9/01/2011 Korova Basement - San Antonio, TX
9/03/2011 Vaudeville - Tucson, AZ

LITURGY Opening for BORIS

2011-07-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

While Liturgy is making the first US tour in support of Aesthethica, the Brooklyn-based band has major news on more shows coming this fall, including performances at the Museum of Modern Art in New York; opening for Japan's psych/metal stars Boris on the east coast; and playing at the Pop Montreal International Music Festival, along with the Hopscotch Music Festival, in September.

Liturgy at MoMA - July 29, part of "Grand Openings Return of the Blogs" "MoMA's Performance Program resumes with a new commission by the New York-based artist collective Grand Openings. In collaboration with musicians, performance art scholars, sound artists, filmmakers, writers, and friends, the group is composing a multifaceted live program that relates to the history of performance art in general, as well as MoMA's particular institutional structure." "Liturgy resonates with Grand Openings' zombie move(s) while Mari Mukai constructs a house. " For more information, see: http://moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/1198

Liturgy tour dates with Boris

Oct 25 - Boston, MA - Royale Nightclub

Oct 27 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza

Oct 29 - Washington DC - Black Cat Current Liturgy US tour dates

Jul 11 - Kansas City, MO - Record Bar w/Dope Body

Jul 12 - Denver, CO - Hi Dive

Jul 13 - Salt Lake City, UT - Kilby Court

Jul 15 - Anacortes, WA - What The Heck Fest

Jul 16 - Seattle, WA - El Corazon

Jul 17 - Olympia, WA - Northern

Jul 18 - Portland, OR - Branx

Jul 20 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill

Jul 22 - Santa Barbara, CA - Muddy Waters

Jul 23 - Los Angeles, CA - The Echo

Jul 24 - Costa Mesa, CA - Detroit Bar

Jul 25 - San Diego, CA - Casbah

Jul 26 - Scottsdale, AZ - The Rogue Bar

Jul 28 - Austin, TX - Red 7

Jul 29 - New York, NY - Museum of Modern Art

Aug 2 - Baltimore, MD - Floristree

Aug 3 - Philadelphia, PA - Kung Fu Necktie

Sep 9 - Raleigh, NC - Hopscotch Music Festival

Sep 21 - Montreal, QC - Pop Montreal International Music Festival

Someone should tell the vocalist of Liturgy not to make any more silly manifestos, otherwise he is going to be eating shit for the rest of his life. Liturgy, the band though, get a lot of undeserved crap.

Sci-Fi Adventures (Special): The Pilgrim Project, The End of our Space Program and Perhaps an Empire

2011-07-08T16:08:00.001-07:00

In case you didn't figure it out from the picture, the title of this blog entry isn't the full title of the book, I simply added a bit more. This is a fitting novel for a fitting time. For those of you who didn't know, and sadly that's probably around 95% of you out there, the American Space Shuttle Program is done, finished. July 8th was officially the last shuttle flight America is ever going to see. It was even on the news, but most of you probably didn't know that. See, back in the day, America really cared about itself, but since then we've lost our way. No just our way but our will. Sure, it comes back occasionally when chaos strikes, but it always sinks back under the surface of rising debt, horrid unemployment, outsourcing, shoddy plastic shit from Lowe's, and politicians that never have a clue. The shuttle program is just yet another example of our eventual end. You may all be indeed witnessing not just the end of an era, but the end of an empire.

Enter The Pilgrim Project. I can't forgive you for not knowing about the above, but not knowing about this novel is another story. Hank Searls is pretty much a total no-name today, which is sad because he basically was the first writer to do what would eventually make Tom Clancy famous. This particular novel was one of a few, and it was even made into a film in the 60s called "Countdown". As far as sci-fi goes, don't expect aliens or weird technology. This is really perhaps the first novel of its kind, a historical science fiction novel that assumes the then near future. In it, a group of researches, scientists, politicians, etc. get together and come up with a plan to beat those dang Russkies to the moon. As a whole, the characters are pretty wooden, and the plot will seem drab at first, but something about The Pilgrim Project makes it incredibly interesting. I'm not sure what it is, perhaps it's the fluid writing style and attention to the details you need, or perhaps it's that part of us that died yesterday.

The main plot revolves around Steve Lawrence, an astronaut who's ship is called down with its crew and eventually becomes the central figure in a race to beat Russia to the moon. Keep in mind, when this was written, the Russians had already beaten us to space and shot up a satellite. Searls here assumes what would eventually happen, America landing the first man on the moon. What follows is a bunch of political intrigue and science, the majority actually really cool in spite of how boring you'd assume it would be. The plan? Shoot a man to the moon, sending a special pod to live in separately so he can survive when he gets there (he'll be there for about a year, alone). It's risky, and he could die due to a number of circumstances. Many people don't think it will work and think it's an unnecessary risk. Others know it's the only way to make America care about itself again, it's the only way to give the people hope. So Lawrence is eventually chosen and decides to move forward in spite of some problems at home and not really having the necessary experience. After some grueling training, and after the Russians secretly try to beat America when the plan is leaked to the press, Lawrence is shot into space.

The ending is actually quite surprising, so if you don't want to blow it, skip this paragraph. Lawrence basically misinterprets a riff on the moon's surface and lands. He has a small window in which to abort and using the pull of the moon, head back to earth. But he doesn't, even though he promised everyone otherwise, he knows what it means to at least make it there, even if he dies within a few hours. So he decides to land, not wanting to think years later he actually saw the pod but aborted the mission. He thinks at first of staying in the capsule to survive for four more days, but then decides to go on the surface, wandering for several miles as he takes it all in with a peaceful, going-towards-death attitude. He eventually finds the shape he saw, and discovers it was in fact the Russian craft, most of it damaged. Out of the port is half of the body of the pilot, with a small Soviet flag nearby. In his last moments, he wanted to make sure it was planted. Lawrence knows he's going to die, so he gets his flag ready and starts to plant both flags in the moon's surface, when, at the last moment, he sees the blip of the light of the pod in the distance, which means it's both fairly close and upright (undamaged), so he goes for it and the novel ends. I kind of thought having him die would be a cool , philosophical ending considering the presence of the dead Russian, but Searls leaves it open to him just having enough air to make it, but you don't know if he does.

One of the things that makes this such a great book is the historical value. Sure, the story is strangely engrossing and fast-paced despite reading tons of material on training. As far as sci-fi goes, it's a pretty solid book. But that's not the value of it, especially considering what's happening to us now. This was a time when America thought it was really going to accomplish something; the Space Race absorbed our attention easily up through the mid to late 80s. After that, it, and we, lost the spark. Since that time NASA shuttle launches have seen a pretty hard decline, and after this final launch, I can't help but feel we're all a little empty and downtrodden, at least those of us that paid attention. It's like seeing everything we were blast one last time, disappear, and then sink into nothingness. The Pilgrim Project is a glimpse into the feeling of the time, and a look at what we once were. Will we ever regain the glory and push to greatness found in this novel? Probably not, this book is sad in a way, it's part of a dead age, one we'll never see again. Troubling, because within the story it's commented that we'll be on mars by the '1980s'. Funny how that didn't work out.

Sci-Fi Adventures: The Durdane Trilogy (The Anome, The Brave Free Men, and The Asutra)

2011-07-05T20:45:00.001-07:00

Time for a good stack of books! Now, unfortunately for us sci-fi fans, sometimes writers milk a series much farther than it needs to be (cough Harry Turtledove you bastard). Thankfully, back in the day when writers knew how to write, series were often kept within three books or a handful. This particular series, usually referred to as the Durdane Series, is contained within three different novels, all by Jack Vance, an incredibly prolific writer who's highly undervalued in the history of American literature. Oh yeah, I forgot, if it has an interesting plot it isn't "literature". Anyway, dude wrote a lot of good shit, this series being one of the more well-known. Original, first-run copies still fetch a few hundred.

So, this little entry in our blog is going to be a short summary of each. First off, a word of caution. These babies are so damn detailed it's almost impossible to cover everything that happens. I don't want to blow too much, but I want to give a general idea of what they're about, so keep that in mind. There's just too much greatness here to touch. So here we go anyway...

The Durdane books all involve the main character, Gastel Etzwane, and his path from boy, to ruler of his planet, to savior. Durdane is ruled by an unseen leader called the Faceless Man, or the Anome, who maintains control by the means of a device called the torc, a metallic device that fits around the neck. Torcs mark off social class and such, and can be used to explode a citizen's head should they get out of line. Durdane is the planet of the novel, but a good portion of the action takes place in Gastel's homeland of Shant and surrounding areas, as well as some other locations as the stories progress. A horrible race of creatures threatens several areas, Gastel takes control of the land, and things eventually come to pass, for the most part. How do each of the books lay it out?

The Anome

This is a good starter. Gastel is a boy in a Shant, which consists of a number of different areas ruled by different types of cults. Gastel, not so willingly, is considered a 'Pure Boy' in his particular cult, which is something to sort of strive for, but he doesn't really care. He gets involved in mischief here and there, but is eventually driven away from Shant when he decides to remove his mother from slavery by appealing directly to the Anome, the unseen ruler of Shant who has passed on his power throughout the years. This book sets up the world and gives you a taste of some of the weird language and creatures. Lots of cool things, but too many to mention here, but I personally enjoyed the weird balloon transportation system the people of Shant used, as well as these weird creatures called the alhuphs, even though you only come upon them now and then. Gastel also learns the identity of his father and starts to become a musician. Eventually, he learns of the general location of the Anome and, with the help of an outsider, figures out a way to disarm his torc and discover where to find the Faceless Man...

The Brave Free Men

This one takes the story further. It's not really possible to read the first one and just leave it at that, because it basically leaves off with the assumption you're going to read the next, so you can't really read this one alone either. Gastel in this one eventually finds who the Anome is, and is kind of shock to find a frail, almost psychotic lunatic at the helm of the land. He, of course, eventually becomes the Anome himself but pretends as if he is simply working for him. This novel focuses more on the Roguskoi, a strange race of beings that look something like men but are incredibly powerful and have horrifying weapons. They have been raiding various areas around Shant, killing the men without taking much damage at all, and impregnating women and girls, who seem to only give birth to more Roguskoi. No transfer of genes takes place. They were talked about in the first book, but this one really focuses on them, and in fact the problem of the Roguskoi is how Gastel is able to gain power. He then goes on a campaign to figure out how to destroy the Roguskoi. Throughout various intrigues and dealings with tons of characters, Gastel creates an army with newly invented weapons. He also creates a group called the Brave Free Men, willing fighters for the cause who are given freedom from the torc for fighting for Shant. With their weapons, and through some really cool fighting scenes, the Roguskoi are forced into huge swamplands that lead into another area south of Durdane. The Roguskoi are oddly found to be organic tanks with strange, insect-like creatures controlling them inside. When Gastel and some of his glider troops begin to wipe out the rest of the Roguskoi in the swamps, they lead them to Caraz, a different part of Durdane rarely dealt with through Shant. Thinking the people of Caraz with their superior technology are somehow responsible for the Roguskoi, more intrigue begins...

The Asutra

Gastel learns more of Caraz and a whole new world opens for the reader with lots of cool creatures, people, and adventures. Again, really, it's almost impossible to detail the amount of depth Vance provides in these books, suffice to say this is the one where it all comes together, so if you don't want to spoil it don't finish this short synopsis. Basically, through various wanderings in an area sort-of fashioned like the Middle East with slavers and lots of crazies, Gastel learns the insect creatures are the Asutra, who have been enslaved (seems the other way around at first until you learn the truth) the Ka, another alien race. They've been herding and using various creatures as different types of slaves, including the humans of Durdane, and Gastel takes it upon himself to brave their ship and destroy them. Later there are some incredible scenes in this slave colony where Gastel learns more about the history of the creatures he seeks. Throughout the rest you learn the truth of the Ka and Gastel eventually returns to Shant after some seriously cool sci-fi adventure, happy that he's essentially saved the entire planet and even more happy to live life as a musician instead of the Anome. Brief summary, and not nearly enough to scratch the surface, but for our purposes we'll leave it be.

Really, overall, the Durdane books are plain fucking awesome. You generally can expect that when a poor, little old blog writer can't even compose a somewhat substantial entry about them. There is simply so much in each of these books you have to read them for yourself to get an idea of what Vance has created. The world of Durdane is incredible, interesting, and more importantly very real. It's incredibly easy to get engrossed in each of these books. No real complaints, though the integration of the Eagle Dukes of Caraz would have been cooler. They touch on them in the second book and just sort of leave it at that. Other than that minor detail, these books fucking school. Great science fiction, real science fiction, and the stuff that's clearly for the hardcore sci-fi reader. You can't be casual with these, you're all in or you're all poseur. It's not like the technology will blow you away because it's so detailed, it's that the world requires the reader to learn about it, it's almost like learning about another country, language and all. It takes time to sink in, and by the end of the first book you're totally absorbed. I personally finished each of these in about a day apiece because they were so fucking awesome. The story never really lets up, even when it's just explaining some history of Durdane or pieces of its culture. Each adventure segment is exciting, it's just, fuck, can't say enough good about them, but unfortunately I can't really explain them totally either. If you're into sci-fi, these books are a must read.

BRAINOIL Through 20 BUCK SPIN

2011-06-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

Oakland's punishing sludge power trio BRAINOIL are preparing to drop their long-awaited, bulldozing, second full-length, Death Of This Dry Season, set for vinyl/digital worldwide release on August 2nd, 2011 via the almighty 20 Buck Spin label.

The anticipated follow-up to BRAINOIL's self-titled LP released via Life Is Abuse back in 2003, Death Of This Dry Season takes the band's scathing, wretched brew of Bay Area-style doom/sludge to new heights over the seven face-crushing anthems it beholds. With members of BRAINOIL collectively having done time in Laudanum, Stormcrow, Watch Them Die, Destroy!, Dead Language, Grimple, Pig Heart Transplant and more, their sludge style is chock full of up-tempo crust-inspired breaks and monstrously baked breakdowns undoubtedly suited for diehards of Black Cobra, Iron Lung, Stormcrow, Iron Monkey, Whitehorse, Buzzov*en and El Dopa.

The artwork on the LP was handled by FEEDING (Jon K from Iron Lung with his partner Nic Schmidt) and includes a mind-bending 24x24 inch poster insert
created especially for this release in the instantly recognizable FEEDING style.

Death Of This Dry Season Track Listing:
1. Death Of This Dry Season
2. Gravity Is A Relic
3. Opaque Reflections
4. Feet Cling To The Rotting Soil
5. To Bury The Pages Of Existence
6. Crimson Shadows
7. The Beauty Of Death

Continuing the label's longtime support of bands from their original home in the East Bay Area, 20 Buck Spin is proud to help re-introduce BRAINOIL to the current underground scene. Death Of This Dry Season marks a welcome and inexorable return to form by one of Oakland's most noted acts and will see the band playing shows near and far throughout the year. Stay tuned for more info as well as promos of the album in the blistering weeks ahead.

_http://www.brainoil.com_ (http://www.brainoil.com)
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(http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brainoil/182202601773)
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DEMON FUZZ, Afreaka!

2011-06-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

If You Aren't a Big Dog You Better Get out of the Dock...or Some Shit.

Despite the Homoerotic cover, this is a great fucking record, listen to it here!!!!!!!

Sci-Fi That Sucks: The Left Hand of Darkness

2011-06-25T11:41:00.001-07:00

Well, having done a few good sci-fi novel reviews over the past few months, it was inevitable I'd come to one that made me want to puke, eat it, and then turn that into some sort of poison to puke up again to feed to someone. Yes, that makes no sense and offers no perspective on what n the hell I'm talking about, but then again neither does this fucking piece of shit book. I actually have several shorter works by Le Guin and some short-story collections she's in, but this is actually the first thing I ever read by her. Considering it's one of the most well-known, if not the quintessential work that is her, perhaps I might want to toss the others in the 'take these to the used book store to trade them in for something good' bag.

The Left Hand of Darkness is billed on the back as being similar in scope and awesomeness to the Dune series. Hell, even Frank Herbert himself is quoted on the back. Usually, that's a pretty clear sign you're in for total hell, especially when one considers that the various Dune novels really aren't that great to begin with (yes I said it, let's all admit it for once). This novel is basically the polar opposite of Dune, pun intended there because the planet it takes place on is basically totally frozen. That, and it completely lacks any semblance of action and barely has enough plot to keep your interest. That, however, is just an inkling of how bad this fucking thing is. So what's it about?

The story revolves primarily around Genly Ai, an envoy from Terra (the classic sci-fi name for Earth in about every novel you'll ever read), who is part of a league of sorts of 80 or so planets. Their goal? Get more planets into the mix for trade, sharing of ideas, all that good stuff. Envoys are typically sent out alone under the belief that a single alien is a friendly gesture, whereas any more is perceived as invasion. So, Genly's goal is to convince the planet Gethen, primarily through one of its countries named Karhide, to join the league of planet shits and everyone engages in mutual masturbation. Really, that's an alright idea to run a plot, but this thing fails on so many levels it's shocking. Let's give it a bit of credit, though, and start with the good things, few though they are.

Good Shit

1. Great background development. Gethen is seriously dense with myth, history, legend, and unique cultures that interplay like real people, or sort of (read further).

2. Cool setting. Sure, Dune was on a desert planet and this is basically the opposite of it, but a planet stuck in an Ice Age presents some pretty cool potential for tension, monsters, and general adventure.

3. Good idea on the integration of 'authentic texts'. There are chapters that reference old legends of Gethen, old works of history, etc. that further develop the background to the world and help make more sense of the plot. Herbert did pretty much the same thing in Dune, so it's not original or anything, but it does make the novel feel more artistic.

4. Awesome alien idea. The people of Gethen are human. The difference is that they are androgynous. Other than certain times called 'kemmer', where they get really horny and change into either male or female for a short time to engage in mating, they have no sex. So they can be both father and mother to different children. Pretty cool idea, and it helps to provide some tension between a major character and Genly, who is a regular male human all the time and everyone calls him a pervert.

But that's it for the good shit, the bad shit makes the good shit pretty much just plain shit. Let's look further...

Bad Shit

1. Horrible character development. In fact, there really isn't much at all. Le Guin tries to provide a humanness to her characters, but it's rarely achieved. I'm not sure if it was achieved at all other than the one major character Estraven. Even then, you never really fully connect with him/her, because the development is so stale. The worst aspect is that Genly is pretty much worse than a Chinese peasant throughout the whole thing. He has no character at all other than the fact that he is a character. He pretty much sucks the big dick of the novel and lets it come all over him without blinking or caring.

2. Boring as shit. Holy hot damn is this thing boring. The majority of the story involves Genly trying to convince a crazy king and another country to join the league of planet bitches. That's actually ripe with potential, but it's totally blown. The entire story primarily revolves around horribly boring political intrigue. There is barely two pages worth of action or adventure in the entire thing, unless you're excited by about a hundred pages of two morons walking over a bunch of snow and running out of food. Pretty much nothing happens the entire novel, and by the end you're wondering why you even finished it.

3. Confusing integration, at times, of the aforementioned 'authentic texts'. Okay, cool idea, but frequently you'll be referring back to earlier sections to make sense out of some of them. At times, Le Guin has made her world a little too dense without working the characters more. With most of the time spent on the background of the story, only a bit of which you actually get to learn about, there really isn't much room for anything interesting to actually happen. Some of the authentic text parts, legends and so forth, are really pretty stupid in comparison to the rest. A paragraph or so would have sufficed instead of the long, rambling legends of ye ole' Gethen which lead you into a restless slumber more often than not.

4. It's not really sci-fi. It's a stretch to call this hunk of shit sci-fi by any regard. The only real bit of science in this entire thing is the fact that Genly comes from a league of planets and his spaceship is circling Gethen until he accomplishes his goal. Gethen is largely low tech, so they live in almost a feudal society with snow shoes and carts and such. Think Siberia about a hundred years ago. Genly has a little talking tablet thing, but that's about the extent of the science fiction in this. It's actually more fantasy than anything. If you didn't have mention of the fact that Gethen is a planet, it's pretty much a really, really boring fantasy novel. No cool weapons, ships, or anything, just a bunch of snow.

5. Total lack of action. Good sci-fi usually involves an engaging plot with a lot of depth, but more often than not has moments of crazy action, bizarre beast attacks, and weird alien plots that culminate in exciting wars of words where you wonder what's coming next. The Left Hand of Darkness lacks all of this, or at least when it does appear it's totally tame. There is almost no action in this entire thing other than some slips on the ice, no cool creatures (come on the ice part was plenty ready for that), and a plot that is way too speech-focused.

6. Speaking of that, that's the major problem with this fucking thing. The entire plot basically pans out via speech with various political leaders playing legal chess through Genly, who just takes it like a champ. There is not a single moment you're really going to be interested in the story, and I really, really mean that. It has some cool philosophy behind it, but it desperately needed at least some action, for the love of god. With no real tension in the entire story and a political hoo-ha that barely keeps your attention long enough to finish a single chapter, this one fails on many plot levels.

7. Pretty much no closure. The lack of action thing, fine, whatever, I guess. No, actually that really pisses me off. But what makes it worse is that by the end, the ending is really all you expected from the start when you know what Genly is doing. Is he going to convince the planet to join the league of extraordinary boredom? Yes. That's about it. One page would have sufficed, instead of a hundred million about snow, ice, and running out of food. By the time you get to the end, you really haven't been given anything you didn't expect and you really didn't learn anything either. It's like you took a two-hundred-something page shit and flushed it without wiping.

So that's about it. When it comes down to it, this book DOES NOT deserve all the hype it seems to get and all the good (and consequentially suspect) reviews on Amazon.cashhog Some of the ideas behind it and the background is actually pretty cool, but it's just barely a sci-fi novel with no action and really tedious plot development. Unless you're a completist and feel like you need to read all that is sci-fi, just stay away from The Left Hand of Darkness, it's totally worthless.

METALION, The SLAYER MAG Diaries Book Preview

2011-06-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

744 pages, six pounds...I can't fucking wait....

SETH PUTNAM, Yes He Died

2011-06-19T10:17:00.000-07:00

Anyway, this guy is dead. Arkus sent me an e-mail to inform me last week, but I didn't bother to make a post.I thought he was going to take the post, but he didn't. I just checked other blogs and zines and everyone was posting the same kind of 'blurb'; yeah he pissed a lot of people off and blah, blah and he abused his body and blah blah, and some big beefcakes liked his stuff and collaborated with him and blah blah, and he was on a wheelchair and blah blah and now he is dead.

It's a shame when someone dies, especially when that someone is fairly young. Looking at the pic on the left I assume Seth was in his early 40's maybe? Not sure. I won't bother to look that up. Not now. He is gone and it doesn't matter. And reading through some of those posts last week it sounded like he was looking for it and he finally got it. Dare we say, he succeeded?

Anyway, Putnam had his schtick and it stuck enough for some decent labels to release his garbage. I can count myself among the suckers. I own 40 More Reasons to Hate Us and consider it to be a total piece of shit of a recording. And I guess I should say that it is very very gay.

After I got the e-mail from Arkus I shot something back, maybe something snidey and Arkus replied that he liked Anal Cunt's early stuff. I wasn't even sure there was early material, or actually, I didn't know there was a difference between his early and his late Anal Cunt stuff. All I heard sounded like shit, and that stuck. Still, it's a shame that he is gone...I guess...I didn't know the guy...personally.

Stride Shift Sucks Serious Ball Sacks

2011-06-18T17:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, sorry for the rant here, but Deaf Sparrow would like to whole-heartedly not endorse this horrible, horrible creation of mankind's worst chemical poisons. So the idea behind this piece of shit is the gum changes flavor as you chew it. I didn't think they'd really be able to pull off something without relying on a strong flavor like a mint, which was verified by the box, which indicates this particular one shifts from berry to mint. Already I was afraid...

But okay, let's try it. Some cool sugar-free gums have been coming out recently, like one that tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream, at least for about five minutes. Berry to mint though? Probably not going to work, and by god it didn't. First off, this gum is pretty tough to chew. About three pieces in the mouth is a good bit and gives it some more softness, but for some reason at first it's quite a tough gum. So the berry kicks in. Cool, tastes like berry, pretty solid. And then...FUCK. So the mint kicks in about one second after you start and BOY does it TASTE LIKE SHIT. I mean, we're talking something you want to spit out. It takes about a good ten minutes to get used to the mint, so shocking is it right after the berry. In a short phrase, don't buy this gum. It sucks, the flavor shift only lasts about half a second and will induce bile from your lower bowels immediately. You're better off just buying a straight mint gum, because that's what this is in the end. Assholes.

Sci-Fi Adventures: Laser Books - The Horde

2011-06-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Man, sci-fi was the shit at one time. And by that I mean that everyone wanted to jump on the bandwagon and make a buck, or back then about thirty-five cents per book. Laser Books was a sideproject of sorts of a famous, and still active, Canadian book powerhouse company of doom. The idea for this series was simple. Get a bunch of authors, some well-known, have them write original stories that didn't appear elsewhere, keep them no longer than 60,000 words, serialize it, and call it a day. Laser Books released three books per month for about a year, and then suddenly tanked. It's really not clear why this happened, but it's most likely that the quality overall wasn't very good, as well as the fact that a few authors, including Piers Anthony, were pretty pissed about their work being butchered.

Anyway, this is the first Laser Book I found and the first one I've read, so I can't judge the entire series as a whole, which, by the way, is not sequential or anything. All the books are stand-alone, they were just released with nice little numbers and a cool "series" look so that later freaks would want to collect them. The Horde was book 27 in the line, written by Joseph Green, who did a ton of short stories for sci-fi mags and wrote a number of works along the way. This one was his entry in the Laser Books sci-fi store/subscription attack. First off, let's check the cover.

What in the hell is going here? I still look at this one and wonder what Kelly Freas was thinking, a famous sci-fi illustrator, by the way. In the background you have some representative terrain that you'll encounter in the story, so that's fine, and then you have the alien race in question in most of the book, the Shemsi. What the fuck is with the floating head? I assume it's the main character, but I didn't personally picture him with such a Flash Gordon chin and smug, asswipe attitude. All he needed was a stogie and a hovering, diembodied gun or some shit. Anyway...

In The Horde, main character Leo Volz and his woman become marooned on a planet that functions as a disputed territory between humans and a race of weirdos called the Shemsi. Leo's chick is taken to the Shemsi home planet for study, primarily because the Shemsi are asexual and want to learn how humans work, thinking that changing their genetics can eventually lead to a better society. The Shemsi are birthed by one of three uber moms on their home planet, and depending on which mother (they go through periods of control of their society), the Shemsi are one of three personality types and have one of three major positions in their society.

So, Leo ends up saving one of the Shemsi from a bizarre alien beast, and then convinces him (well, so he thinks, it's really further work of the Mothers) to help him retrieve his beloved bang toy. What follows is a pretty tense lead-up to the Shemsi encampment, and then the eventual landing on the Shemsi world. Really, the book is pretty damn interesting up to this part. It has the typical 'what would aliens be like' thing going on; lots of weird devices, creatures, and so forth, but it plays its part well. However, this begins to change about halfway through, and then The Horde reaches a rather boring portion that doesn't let up until the end.

See, this novel takes the approach of the film 'Enemy Mine', just being used here as an example. You have two races that don't understand each other, two representatives of those races who get stuck somewhere for some reason, and then who learn to like each other and appreciate, for the most part, what each has to offer. That's the general run of what The Horde is, because the freaking pathway to the giant mountain where the Mothers live is long as shit. Where this novel suffers is the extremely lengthy amount of time spent with both Leo and Erith (the Shemsi dude) traveling over inhospitable terrain. You learn a lot about Shemsi and there are some decent segments where their culture is explained, but overall this whole section is about as interesting as walking through the desert, and that's about what it amounts to too. There are only so many times you can read about their various tribulations as they learn to navigate the terrain, and though the culture background is cool, when it comes down to it you have another sci-fi romp in the wasteland going on here. Really a shame, because in general The Horde is an easy and fairly interesting read. If you're looking for a dude-meets-alien-and-befriends-him story, this one delivers, but be prepared to join them in their harrowing quest to the point that you start to feel their pain. Sometimes, you might want to put it down for awhile. There are, however, worse novels out there with wasteland portions, so don't expect it to be too bad.

Does It Ever Get Better Than This? I Think Not....

2011-05-27T19:20:00.000-07:00

Sci-Fi Adventures: The Puppet Masters

2011-05-14T10:19:00.001-07:00

Here's a good one, well, almost. If you've read sci-fi you've definitely heard the name Robert Heinlein. Dude was pretty damn prolific, and wrote some of the most memorable novels in the genre. He's usually pretty fresh, fun, and dense. Not for the average sci-fi reader at times, but he knew that, so some of his books were a little more focused on action, this being one of them. It actually has a lot of interesting history behind it too; lawsuits against movies that ripped it off, earlier changes to avoid Communist persecution, and an eventual 90s thriller film that came out pretty good. You won't really get that from reading it, but if you're a fan it's interesting to learn about. Anyway...

The Puppet Masters is one of Heinlein's earlier novels, though not the earliest, and sets the tempo for some of his more accessible works. Interestingly, it's in fact his only novel that features an alien invasion as the primary drive of the plot. He never did another one, which is kind of sad, because The Puppet Masters is a pretty solid work overall that perhaps could have led into other, more clever invasion tales. Still, it's not not without problems.

The interesting stuff is that the alien invasion takes place in the future where people take lots of weird drugs for pleasure and get around in flying cars (this is sadly absent from the 90s film adaptation). The agents have cool little gimmicks, too, like built-in phones in their heads called 'skull phones'. Sam, the main character, is part of an agency that deals with US intelligence matters and is so secret it reports directly the President. You never find out what they are, but it doesn't matter. What does is that the earth is being invaded by a slug-like creature that attaches to the spine of any intelligent creature (or fairly intelligent at least) and controls them like a puppet, hence the name of the book. That pretty much sums it all up, the story revolves around the agency, Sam, and his friends (including father), figuring out the mystery and how to stop the aliens. There are numerous twists in the plot, some revolving around the idea that they can take over memories and learn how to essentially act like people to a certain point, and the action is quite fast and often intense. Heinlein really doesn't waste too much time getting it moving, because in a few pages things start to fly and it doesn't really let up.

That is, however, until he begins to incorporate a ridiculous subplot revolving around Sam falling in love with another agent, who we find out later is actually connected to the aliens in this horribly-explained way. Apparently she was once part of this doomsday cult, grew up in it, and was taken away by the aliens, found in a state of amnesia and made an agent later on. It wouldn't be so bad if the love sections weren't so damn trite and formulaic. They're incredibly boring, the dialog is second-grade laughable, and they only serve to slow down an otherwise interesting story. Later, for example, Sam his alien love woman get married for some goddamn reason, and go off into his 'cabin in the mountains' without telling anyone for some other goddamn reason in the middle of an invasion, where, of course, they eventually are assaulted by an alien that rides in on a cat, totally reverting all of the training and skills you see them utilize throughout the rest of the book. Any point that this stupid love tale enters the story, it's really quite irritating and probably enough to make some people put it down. A real shame, because the rest of it is good. Overall, The Puppet Masters is an enjoyable read, but the love story made me put it down once before and almost did it again. I finished it this time around, but it was pretty grueling through those sections. Really should have eliminated them. Anyway, if you're looking for an early invasion story from the master himself, this is a good one, but it's definitely not his, or the genre's, best.

DOOM IN JUNE II Music Festival

2011-05-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

Saturday, June 4th, 2011 At The Cheyenne Saloon In Las Vegas Full Lineup Confirmed Including Solitude Aeturnus, Wino And Dead Neon

Las Vegas, NV, May 9, 2011 -- The celebrated Doom In June festival returns for the second year in a row to pay homage to some of the most respected names in Doom and Stoner Rock. Event takes place on Saturday, June 4th, 2011 at The Cheyenne Saloon (3103 N. Rancho Blvd. Las Vegas, NV 89130, Tel. 702-645-4139). Doors are at noon and advance tickets are on sale now
for $25.00 at brownpapertickets.com.

Last year's inaugural event was a tremendous success featuring great music and hordes of fans flocking to Las Vegas from all over the world. This year Salem Rose Music gives you another dose. Following a similar format Doom In June II kicks off the summer with a 17-band line-up which includes a mix of long established names as well as some of the brightest young talents on the scene.

Most anticipated artists confirmed for the festival this year include Solitude Aeturnus (vocalist Robert Lowe also fronts esteemed Swedish band Candlemass); Wino of Saint Vitus, The Obsessed and Shrinebuilder who will perform an acoustic set in support of his new album Adrift (Exile On Mainstream/Volcom Entertainment); Las Vegas locals Dead Neon.

The Fiesta Rancho Hotel/Casino (2400 N. Rancho Drive, North Las Vegas, NV 89130, Tel. 888-899-7770) is located very close to The Cheyenne Saloon and is recommended to festival goers in need of accommodations.

Doom in June is produced by Marco Barbieri and Salem Rose Music. Event sponsors include Doom Metal Alliance, All That Is Heavy Shop, Foundry of Doom Radio, Hellride Music and Fly PR.

DOOM IN JUNE II:
Saturday, June 4th
The Cheyenne Saloon
at 3103 N. Rancho Blvd. Las Vegas, NV 89130
Tel. 702-645-4139
doors at 12 noon // 21+
tickets $25 via brownpapertickets.com
For festival information email [2] salemrosemusic@aol.com

BAND LINE-UP:
Solitude Aeturnus
Wino (solo acoustic set)
Hooded Menace (Finland)
Iron Man
Stone Axe
Wo Fat
Dusted Angel
Leeches Of Lore
White Witch Canyon
Hallowed Engine
Stonehelm
Meth Leppard
Psilocybin
â€¦Of The Horizon
Crowned By Fire
The Swamp Donkey
Dead Neon (Las Vegas)
http://www.myspace.com/doominjune
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Doom-in-June-Festival/103424236356638

RUNHILD Gammelsæter Solo Album AMPLICON Out On Vinyl

2011-05-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

RUNHILD Gammelsæter boasts an impressive resume of accomplishments, both musical and otherwise. At 17 years old, while a foreign exchange student, she formed the influential doom metal band THORR'S HAMMER. Since that time she has gone on to create music with a variety of collaborators, including the drone doom project KHLYST and SUNNO))). As if her musical accomplishments are not enough, Gammelsæter also holds a PhD in cell biology from the University of Oslo, is a Fulbright Scholar, a model, and a painter.

In 2008, she released her first solo record, Amplicon, on Utech Records. Now, thanks to Little Black Cloud Records, Amplicon is finally seeing a digital and vinyl release, both for the first time, and with new cover art done by Gammelsæterr herself.

The first pressing is limited to 100 copies on clear vinyl with a clear center label that must be impaled through a record player's spindle to puncture a hole in order to play it. Each of the first 100 LPs also comes hand-cocooned in soft cotton webbing with a handwritten lyric line and autograph by Runhild herself. A digital download card is included. Pre-order is now available on the Little Black Cloud Records website here.

ERIK DANIELSSON Writes Foreword to METALION: THE SLAYER MAG DIARIES

2011-05-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

Bazillion Points Books reveals that frontman Erik Danielsson of Sweden's black metallers WATAIN has contributed an impassioned foreword to the upcoming 744-page hardcover book METALION: The Slayer Mag Diaries, an anthology and memoir by Norway's extreme metal godfather Jon Kristiansen.

The Swedish Grammy-winning Danielsson previously contributed to Slayer XX, the final issue of the legendary Slayer Mag, released in 2010. The musician also appears in the METALION book's gallery of color portrait photographs shot by Kristiansen.

Says Danielsson: "The first issue I got was Slayer X, and it was a monumental experience of being thrust into the very depths of the mad universe that was the black/death metal underground... Dead or alive, Slayer Mag will stand as a synonym for that unnameable, bloodcurdling feeling of solemn secrecy and evil genius that this movement has bestowed upon us."

Years in the making, METALION includes over 600 reproduction pages from every issue of Slayer Mag, spanning from the early 1980s through 2010. In addition, author Jon Kristiansen recounts his life's story, from alienated outsider to central figure in Norwegian black metal to world-weary metal survivor. The book also features over 100 rare photographs, including two color sections and a portrait gallery of photographs taken by Kristiansen himself.

"The greatest heavy metal story ever told" will be available in June 2011, wherever books are sold, and is available for preorder now with two bonus limited patches from Bazillion Points Books, "America's smallest but heaviest book publisher."

http://www.metalionbook.com

IMPIETY Joins PULVERISED Records

2011-05-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

Pulverised Records is proud to welcome the infamous Singaporean black death warmachine known as IMPIETY to their illustrious roster for their upcoming eighth studio album.

The band, which has a winding history that spans over two decades, is a champion of the underworld having released a host of crushing albums that consistently push the boundaries of extreme.

Commented founding bassist/vocalist Shyaithan of the signing: "The best of IMPIETY has yet to come! Writing the upcoming storm serves as a greater challenge to myself and all previous endeavors. One thing definitely to expect is that this new full-length album will hammer you ten times harder than all previous revelations. Blood and Chaos shall dominate but Lightning Death will be its ultimate crowning glory!

Added Pulverised Records A&R Manager Calvin Chiang: "IMPIETY, with their vibrant history as the first band to put Singapore on the extreme metal map, has grown rapidly in recent years with a fearsome reputation of being a no-holds-barred ferocious live act. And now it has come full circle; this formidable co-operation for the upcoming new full-length opus will prove once again that IMPIETY is truly at the top of their game, sitting proud and high at the blackened elite throne of blasphemy. Asian and Arrogant!"

IMPIETY:
Shyaithan - Vocals/Bass
Guh Lu - Guitars
Eskathon - Guitars
Atum - Drums

WOODEN SHJIPS Sign to THRILL JOCKEY

2011-05-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

WOODEN SHJIPS Sign To THRILL JOCKEY RECORDS!

New Album West Due on August 16th!

Thrill Jockey is very pleased to announce that Wooden Shjips will record for the label. Formed in 2006, Ripley Johnson (guitar and vocals), Dusty Jermier (bass), Nash Whalen (organ), and Omar Ahsanuddin (drums), began with the simple drive to get their music heard. Their first 10" was available for free to anyone who wrote them an email requesting one. After a few albums, singles, and collections the band are leaders of the modern psychedelic movement.

West is their first album recorded in a studio (Lucky Cat Studios). The album was engineered by Phil Manley and was mastered by Sonic Boom at Blanker Unisinn, Brooklyn, with additional mastering by Heba Kadry at The Lodge in New York.

A world wide tour kicks off on the West Coast in August.

HOT GRAVES Covers Release - Free Download

2011-04-27T19:09:00.000-07:00

HOT GRAVES Release Necros Mixos Sacraficio Covers EP for Free Download Gainesville, FL's d-beat death-thrash destroyers ov the faith, HOT GRAVES, have just released a brand-new covers EP, Necros Mixos Sacraficio, and thrown it up for free download on their Bandcamp page. The hell-raisin' trio take us on a blackened d-beat odyssey through both cult and classic territories. A cut from The Accused cozies up next to a Discharge anthem, Roky Erickson's ghost turns its wild eyes to the Floor, a moment of Midnight crashes into GWAR's unholy racket, and the carnage left by Cannibal Corpse bleeds into Pentagram's last days. Download Necros Mixos Sacraficio for FREE here: http://hotgraves.bandcamp.com/album/necros-mixos-sacrificio*

HOT GRAVES frontman Myk commented: "Cover songs: most people start out playing them to get acquainted with the in's and out's ov songcraft and performance, we all certainly did. But after awhile, they take on more significance, music becomes more sacred, or more worthy ov blaspheme. This recording signifies for HOT GRAVES a tribute to influences, and a credit to our own sense ov taking liberties within arrangements and lyrics and adaptations. For one thing, we tend to play everything D-Beat, and that is no exception here. Some ov these covers may seem strange to you, hopefully not, but each one represents a key to what makes HOT GRAVES, including the song we took our name from." NECROS MIXOS SACRAFICIO - Cover Songs Worship

TRACKLISTING:
1. War = Death 2011 - The Accused
2. What Do I Get? - Discharge
3. White Faces - Roky Erickson
4. Scimitar - Floor
5. Hot Graves - Midnight
6. Maggot Medley - GWAR / Cannibal Corpse
7. Madman - Pentagram

ABUM CREDITS:Released 08 April 2011
Myk - Guitar / Vocals
Hutch - Bass
Matt - Drums

Guest backing vocals on "Maggot Medley" and "War = Death" by Mike & Micah from Bartholin. Guest vocals on "Maggot Medley" (2nd half) by Damian from Impurity. No songs written by Hot Graves, all songs by respective artists named, all arrangements by Hot Graves. Drums recorded 04/01/11 at Thee Goatshed. All other everything recorded 04/02/11-04/05/11 at Baphomet's Lair Studio. Recorded / Mixed / Mastered by Myk Colby.

All respect due to the bands we cover here.
LINKS:Facebook<https://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/HOTGRAVES666?sk=info>
http://www.youtube.com/user/hotgraves
http://www.myspace.com/hotgraves
http://www.hotgraves.bandcamp.com
http://satanikrecordings.bigcartel.com/
http://www.satanikrecordings.wordpress.com

WOLVSERPENT to Headline American Tour

2011-04-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

WOLVSERPENT, the blackened brainchild of longtime collaborators Blake Green and Brittany McConnell, have announced that they will once again be hitting the road in support of their avant-garde masterpiece, Blood Seed. The sprawling compositions contained therein gracefully wend their way through the valleys of death, drone, black metal, doom, and chamber music and arrive triumphantly on foreign shores. Borne of the duo's 20+ years of classical training and deep appreciation for the works of composers like Arvo Part, Gyoygy Ligeti, and Ennio Morricone, WOLVSERPENT's vision combines stringed amplified instruments with a 21st century approach to composition to create works that are dark, emotional, menacing, cinematic, atmospheric, and heartbreakingly beautiful.

Blood Seed was originally released on virgin vinyl by the illustrious 20 Buck Spin in the year 2010, and will soon be made available as a 2xCD (containing the Blood Seed album as well as Gathering Strengths, an earlier release under their former moniker) by Crucial Blast on May 31st, 2011. A mammoth 32-date tour looms ahead of WOLVSERPENT and opening allies, blackened dronesters A STORY OF RATS. Along the way, they'll be joined by the likes of SCOTT "WINO" WEINRICH, MASTER MUSICIANS OF BUKKAKE, AMBER ASYLUM, TOMBS, A STORM OF LIGHT, WITCH MOUNTAIN, UZALA, KAYO DOT, and many more.

*WOLVSERPENT SPRING TOUR 2011 DATES:*

*Wed 5/11 in Boise, ID @ VAC w/Uzala*
*Thu 5/12 in Seattle, WA @ El Corazon w/Master Musicians of Bukkake, The Blinding Light*
*Fri 5/13 in Portland, OR @ East End w/Witch Mountain*
*Mon 5/16 in Arcata, CA @ The Alibi*
*Tue 5/17 in SF, CA @ Thee Parkside w/Amber Asylum*
*Wed 5/18 in Oakland, CA @ Eli’s Mile High Club w/Laudanum*
*Thu 5/19 in LA, CA @ Bordello Bar w/Wino (acoustic)*
*Fri 5/20 in Phoenix, AZ @ Sound Kontrol w/GOG, John Mannion, Rituals*
*Sat 5/21 in Santa Fe, NM @ Warehouse 21*
*Sun 5/22 in Las Cruces, NM @ The Trainyard w/Yazata, Ghost Icon*
*Mon 5/23 in Austin, TX @ Headhunters*
*Tue 5/24 in Dallas, TX @ Rubber Gloves*
*Wed 5/25 in Texarkana @ Dave’s Skate Shop*
*Thu 5/26 in Shreveport, LA @ Dalzell*
*Fri 5/27 in Nashville, TN @ Little Hamilton*
*Sat 5/28 in Athens, GA @ Caledonia Lounge*
*Sun 5/29 in Columbia, SC @ TBA*
*Mon 5/30 in Durham, NC @ Casbah w/MAKE*
*Tue 5/31 in Richmond, VA @ Strange Matter w/Wildildlife*
*Fri 6/3 in Baltimore, MD @ Talking Head*
*Sat 6/4 in Brooklyn, NY @ Acheron*
*Sun 6/5 in Providence, RI @ TBA*
*Wed 6/8 in Milford, CT @ Daniel St w/Kayo Dot*
*Thu 6/9 in Pittsburgh, PA @ Garfield Arts w/Dwarf Fortress*
*Fri 6/10 in Columbus, OH @ Cafe Bourbon St*
*Sat 6/11 in Lansing, MI @ Mac’s Bar*
*Sun 6/12 in Chicago, IL @ Pancho’s w/Tombs, A Storm of Light*
*Tue 6/14 in Milwaukee, WI @ Borg Ward*
*Wed 6/15 in Minneapolis, MN @ TBA*
*Thu 6/16 in Iowa City, IA @ TBA*
*Fri 6/17 – TBA*
*Sat 6/18 – Denver, CO @ TBA*

OFFICIAL WEBSITE <http://www.wolvserpent.com>

Stephen O'Malley of SUNN 0))) Contributes Foreword to 'METALION: The Slayer Mag Diaries'

2011-04-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Bazillion Points Books is proud to reveal that innovative metal musician Stephen O'Malley of SUNN 0))) has contributed a lengthy foreword to the upcoming 744-page hardcover book METALION: The Slayer Mag Diaries, an anthology and memoir by Norway's metal godfather Jon Kristiansen.

As a graphic designer during the 1990s,

O'Malley befriended Kristiansen during the early 1990s, during the initial rise of Norway's black metal phenomenon. He later designed music packaging for Norwegian black metal artists including Mayhem, Burzum, and Emperor.

Says O'Malley: "Discovering Slayer 9 in early 1993 was a significant step in my initial descent into the cultural underground via music, guided by the unique filter of Metalion. Right when it counted, Slayer Mag brought the black metal thing into human perspective. Somehow Metalion's interview subjects were always at ease as human beings, projecting less of their anti-superhero or negative rock-star personas. I would say that each and every one of them was honored and pleased to be in the magazine... Slayer Mag really is a true cult."

Years in the making, METALION includes over 600 reproduction pages from every issue of Slayer mag, spanning from the early 1980s through 2010. In addition, author Jon Kristiansen recounts his life's story, from alienated outsider to central figure in Norwegian black metal to world-weary metal survivor. The book also features over 100 rare photographs, including two color sections and a portrait gallery of photographs taken by Kristiansen himself.

"The greatest heavy metal story ever told" will be available June 6, 2011, wherever books are sold, and is available for preorder now with two bonus limited patches from Bazillion Points Books, "America's smallest but heaviest book publisher."

http://www.metalionbook.com

PARIS IS BURNING - Free FRENCH Metal Compilation!!

2011-04-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

HELLO

Attached is the link to listen or download the first compilation of French scene (from the collective karoshi Entertainment) PARIS IS BURNING where you can find the best metal band / hardcore band from PARIS and its suburbs like the Arrs / Memories Of A Dead Man / The Prestige / Post offense / Lokurah .....

Download this motherfucker...

thank you to you if you can to relay the info and the link to your pages / media (flyer is in attachments with full list and details) This compilation is free and whose sole purpose is to develop and advance the European metal scene.

for information / chronic / interview contact me ben: boneshxc@gmail.com

Now don't be an asshole and support this scene...

BARONESS & CITIZENS ARREST Added to CHAOS IN TEJAS

2011-04-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

Chaos in Tejas, the country's greatest gathering of underground punk, hardcore, indie, grind, thrash, and heavy metal heroes old and new from around the world, has just announced the final additions to this year's 2011 event.

In addition to the previously confirmed performances by Killing Joke, Converge, Autopsy, Unbroken, Tragedy, Fucked Up, Youth of Today, Doom, Dillinger Four, F.Y.P, Omar Souleyman, Seein' Red, Orange Goblin, Guitar Wolf and more, Chaos is proud to announce additional headlining performances by newly crowned metal kings Baroness, and legendary East Coast hardcore band Citizens Arrest!

Taking place in downtown Austin, TX, Chaos in Tejas is the punk rock version of SXSW, hosting some of the biggest, most renown, and most historic names in the counter-culture underground. Drawing in fans from all corners of the globe to fill the city's streets and venues, the event aims to bring some of the noisiest and most memorable experiences of their adult and adolescent lives.

Now in its seventh year, Chaos has previously played host to such legendary acts as Los Crudos, Eyehategod, Propagandhi, Roky Erickson, Cro-Mags, Harvey Milk, X, Rorschach, Ted Leo, Amebix, Subhumans, The Thermals and countless more, serving as one of the only, and possibly largest, punk-focused music festivals in the world.

For more information, visit:
www.chaosintejas.com

New U.S. CHRISTMAS Record + Live Dates

2011-04-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

Neurot Recordings is proud to unleash the latest full-length from Appalachian masters of dark psychedelia, USX. Titled The Valley Path, the epic follow-up to 2010's critically-lauded Run Thick In The Night consists of one, near 40-minute mammoth track of esoteric beauty set for release in North America on May 31, 2011.

Commented guitarist/vocalist/wordsmith Nate Hall of the prodigious offering: "When the idea for The Valley Path was imagined, all involved agreed it was true and went forward. Forward in thought, forward in vision, forward in action. We achieved what we wanted to achieve, and whatever is said about The Valley Path, it will stand. USX has played more gigs than I can remember, from Marion to Prague, Detroit, Austria, Memphis and Switzerland. Dirt floors and Masonic temples, churches and ghettos, wilderness and cities. To dozens and hundreds - occasionally thousands. We have recorded our songs, projected our collective visions. We have realized all that we have imagined. At this point, we have nothing to prove. We've been under the gun many times, and whatever anyone might think about us, we've never flinched. Never compromised. When things are good - and they usually are, being in this band is a dream. But we can't entirely escape reality. Fuse boxes blow, power fails, instruments break, people leave. We vomit in parking lots and go play inside. We sleep sitting up and wake up sore. Or we sleep in places most people would not willfully enter. We are hungry and miss home. We go on, and we are thankful because we have songs. And when we write our songs become a part of us, our center. Our home. A song does not have to be a part of a collection. It is more important for music to take the path it chooses, and an artist must be willing to let this happen. The Valley Path is one song. And a song is a thing that changes."

As a precursor to the release of The Valley Path, USX will be performing several one off shows, including three full acoustic performances in North and South Carolina. Confirmed dates include:

USX Live Actions
4/16/2011 Earshot Records - Greenville SC ACOUSTIC SHOW
4/22/2011 Static Age Records - Asheville NC ACOUSTIC SHOW
4/29/2011 or 4/30/2011 (TBA) Night Light â€“ Chapel Hill, NC ACOUSTIC SHOW
5/25/2011 Pilot Light - Knoxville, TN w/ Black Skies, Generation of Vipers
5/26/2011 The Get Down - Asheville, NC w/ Black Skies, Generation of Vipers, Caltrop
5/27/2011 Kingâ€™s - Raleigh, NC w/ Black Skies, Caltrop, Royal Thunder

Sci-Fi Adventures: A for Andromeda

2011-04-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

I figured this might be a bit of fun. Editor man has all the cool goings-on of the music world posted day after day, so why not a little geek for the ole' Sparrow blog? This is the first of my proposed articles on sci-fi novels I waste my time reading, mainly old ones from the glory days of sci-fi starting from the late 1800s and ending around the mid to late 1980s. Quite a run for the genre! Everything sucked after that because we ran out of ideas. Anyway, each entry will serve as a short review of a novel I've tackled. I figured I'd start with a rather famous one, though no one remembers it anymore, A for Andromeda.

This one spawned a famous TV series that was eventually redone, and of course no one paid attention to that when it happened. At any rate, back in the early 60s we still thought we had a chance of eventually getting somewhere in space. Numerous novels appeared revolving around ideas of what alien life would actually be like, most quite clever. Even the derivative ones were pretty damn entertaining, if only for their humor factor. A for Andromeda was written as a collaboration between the famous astronomer/philosopher Fred Hoyle and "novelist" John Elliot. That's in quotes because this is actually the only book he ever wrote.

A for Andromeda is classic 'aliens-coming-for-us' science fiction. It takes a different approach, however. Instead of a physical invasion, the alien mind, which we never actually get to see in the book, attempts to get us to create a machine that will eventually lead to our destruction. It opens with a lot of science babble that's honestly quite dry, but it starts to pick up when the team of scientists catches an alien broadcast of sorts using a new, high-powered satellite dish somethingrather. One of the researchers, Fleming, is smart enough to figure out the data is from an alien race, perhaps a now dead race, and is being sent in binary. Using his skills, he discovers the code is actually a sequence describing how to build a never-before-seen, high-powered computer, and the rest of the message is data to be placed into it. Of course, this is the first build of excitement in A for Andromeda. From there, the story moves slowly, but there's enough tension in wondering what's going to happen to keep you reading. The computer is, of course, eventually built, and they start to feed it the data.

From there, the machine begins to essentially ask questions using very basic understandings of life in the universe. It eventually finds out, for example, that carbon-based life is present on earth. Using this method, it comes upon a formula that it feeds to the scientists. Said formula is a plan to create artificial, living tissue. At first a few growing cells, and then this eyeball beast with enough mental power to cause someone to commit suicide to test her body, and then eventually Andromeda, a totally hawt chick that is, of course, an uber being alien, even though she looks human. The computer has simply created something based on what we have here. And also of course, Andromeda slowly learns how to be human in spite of the fact she's here to kill all of us, she reaches a conflict with the machine, rebels, and blah blah there's a sad ending that I'll save for you to find out if you read it.

Really, A for Andromeda is an okay read, at least at first. There's enough cool science and theory for the nerds out there, and the tension of discovering exactly what the computer is going to do keeps the action going. But, really, when it comes down to it, other than some mixing of international intrigue through some spy games that are damn boring, A for Andromeda is bland overall. It takes a good chunk of chapters to really get going, and by then there's just barely enough to keep you interested. It's cool to see what the machine's going to do and it's a neat take on how an alien race could invade another world, but with the slow pace and occasional, anti-capitalist undertones, it might just be annoying to some readers. Cool book for the history of the genre, and okay overall, but there are better alien invasion novels out there.

FLOOR Tour - 1st Time in 8 Years

2011-04-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

Floridian heavy trio FLOOR are about to embark on their first proper tour in over eight years. Since disbanding, FLOOR's overdue notoriety has slowly grown, due in part from laying the foundation for guitar player/vocalist Steve Brooks' non-stop activity in TORCHE.

Reuniting to celebrate the release of their massive "Below & Beyond" discography/box set, FLOOR returned for a few key shows over the past year to an overwhelmingly positive response. As a result, the band is now hitting the road for the first time since 2003. In regards to the tour, Brooks had the following to say:

"It's a celebration. Celebrating our 19 years together, apart, back together, apart and back together again! Dropping bombs like it's Floorld War III!"

The (updated) scheduled dates are as follows:

4/9 - Gainesville, FL @ Common Grounds - w/ Hawks
4/10 - Atlanta, GA @ The Earl - w/ Hawks
4/11 - Charlotte, NC @ The Milestone - w/ Hawks
4/12 - Richmond, VA @ Strange Matter - w/ Hawks, Amarok
4/13 - Brooklyn, NY @ Music Hall Of Williamsburg - w/ Hawks
4/14 - Philadelphia, PA @ First Unitarian Church - w/ Hawks
4/15 - Providence, RI @ Club Hell - w/ Doomriders
4/16 - Buffalo, NY @ Soundlab - w/ Doomriders
4/17 - Cleveland, OH @ Grog Shop - w/ Doomriders
4/18 - Chicago, IL @ Beat Kitchen - w/ Doomriders
4/20 - Denver, CO @ Marquis Theater
4/22 - Missoula, MT @ Secret Show
4/23 - Seattle, WA @ Funhouse - w/ Totimoshi
4/24 - Portland, OR @ Branx - w/ Totimoshi
4/26 - Los Angeles, CA @ Bootleg Theater - w/ Totimoshi
4/29 - Dallas, TX @ Sons Of Hermann Hall - w/ Mammoth Grinder
4/30 - Austin, TX @ The Mohawk - w/ Mammoth Grinder
5/1 - Houston, TX @ Walter's - w/ Mammoth Grinder
5/2 - New Orleans, LA @ Siberia
5/3 - Tallahassee, FL @ The Engine Room

http://www.myspace.com/Floor

ORLANDOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!

2011-04-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

If you are in Orlando on April 23rd, and do not mind getting your head blown off you must attend this...

KRUIZ Rocks Your Gym Socks Off!!!

2011-04-07T18:56:00.000-07:00

I used to wait for hours for this video to come on a pirate TV station in South America. They would play it about once every two weeks, somewhere in the middle of the heavy metal block, which usually lasted about 45 minutes and tended to rotate the same ten videos over and over and over. The image and the audio quality was fucked. Someone who worked at the pirate TV UHF station had probably taped it in VHS while on a trip to Europe and would occasionally sandwich it between tedious repetitions of Twisted Sister's classic "You Can't Stop Rock n' Roll" and Dio's "Holy Diver". Kruiz was on a different level though. They were thrashy but not thrash. They were fast, but I always thought of speed metal as faster and less melodic.

I was hooked on Kruiz from the first time I saw the video. I had no idea who they were or where they were from. I knew they were named Kruiz because we can see the band's name displayed in the video but I was never able to get a hold of this record. Back then, I consumed Spanish metal magazines like an idiot (issues would make it down south eleven months too late), and never, ever saw any coverage of Kruiz.

I love absolutely everything about this song; from its upbeat tempo to its catchy chorus and nifty solos. And I love everything about this video, from the vocalist's hairdo, foolishly disguising his thinning hair all the way to his extra large, knee high gym socks. Kruiz fucking rocks!

Introducing WINO's PREMONITION 13

2011-04-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

By now, the musical exploits of Scott "Wino" Weinrich are the stuff of legend. The Obsessed. Saint Vitus. Spirit Caravan. The Hidden Hand. Shrinebuilder. After releasing his solo debut in 2009, Wino went acoustic in early 2011 with Adrift, a gut-wrenchingly personal album written by a man who has survived a lifetime of
gut-wrenching scenarios and lived to tell the tales.

Wino's latest project sees him plugged back in-both to his amplifier and the full-band format. Enter PREMONITION 13, a musical entity that finds its genesis in jam sessions dating back two decades, when Wino first met fellow guitarist Jim "Sparky" Karow. "Jim and I have known each other for about 20 years," Wino explains. "His wife was basically the first manager of the Obsessed. We played guitars together one day and then we had this really good conversation about magnetism. We realized we had a common love of Mesoamerican stuff and ancient cultures. So we've been jamming together for about 15 or 20 years-just me and him, two guitars, no drums or anything like that."

And so what started as a series of informal jams out at Karow's spread in the high California desert-a place once inhabited by Brave New World author and LSD enthusiast Aldous Huxley-eventually became songwriting sessions. After enlisting the talents of Ostinato drummer Matthew Clark and former Meatjack bassist Brian Daniloski, they began playing live under the moniker Premonition. But a subsequent Internet search turned up quite a few bands with that very name, so Wino proposed a numerical addendum. "13 is one of my favorite numbers," he explains. "It's actually a very positive number, but it's been misconstrued quite a bit throughout history. Friday the 13th is considered bad luck in America, but that's just another fear trip. It's also considered good luck by some esoterically-minded folks because Friday the 13th was the day that Jacques de Molay, the last Grand Master of the Knights Templar, was burned at the stake. As he was being burned, he cursed the pope and the king, and they were both dead within a year."

Recorded at RTX guitarist Brian McKinley's unnamed studio in Costa Mesa, California, PREMONITION 13's debut sees Wino venturing into territories both new and familiar. "The band has two guitarists, first off, which I did for the first time in Shrinebuilder just a couple of years ago," he explains. "But I've also found that that there's a little bit of humor in this band. There're some tongue-in-cheek lyrical things; it's not quite as serious as some of the other stuff I've done. But at the same time, it is serious: we make some comments on conspiracy, the negative effects of control, and all the stuff one might protest against."

Musically, Wino cites Black Sabbath, King Crimson and his previous conspiracy-minded band The Hidden Hand as reference points for PREMONITION 13. He and Karow also make generous use of the E-Bow, a handheld guitar effect that sustains notes in a battery-powered electromagnetic field. "It's still pretty heavy, but it's definitely a departure from other bands I've been in," Wino offers. "I'm just excited for it to get out there so people can hear it."

MOON Signs to MORIBUND - Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!

2011-03-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Today, MORIBUND RECORDS announces the signing of Australia's MOON, dark occult black metal from one Miasmyr. The band's first release for MORIBUND shall be Caduceus Chalice, set for release on June 28th. MOON's Caduceus Chalice pervades a hypnotic sense of obscure mysticism within a dark ambience of distorted screams, cavernous echoes and entrancing pulse. Ceremonial Magick, invocations of spirits, glorifications of darkness, underworld realms and apocalyptic apparitions are the basis for this astral visionary experience. Breeding the unlife in archaic worlds, MOON is an ode to darkness and its spirit.

Biography

Obscure black metal from Brisbane, Australia, MOON is the visionary experience of ceremonial magick and astral projection. It works through transcendent hypnosis and bleak atmospheres.

Formed in 2007 by one Miasmyr, MOON stirred interest in the underground black metal scene for its ethereal spirit and raw but evocative sound. Three EPs were released, which sold well, and gained MOON a small following. The first full-length, Caduceus Chalice, was released on cassette in early 2010 and will be released on June 28th, 2011 on CD through MORIBUND RECORDS. MOON have been playing live since 2009, putting on dark and evocative shows in Brisbane.

Miasmyr has played in several black metal bands since 1999. Starting with the cult Catacomb, which played for many years in Brisbane, he has also played in Urgrund and Forn Valdyrheim. MOON, his solo project, also developed a strong following within its early life, starting with a compilation MCD called Magick Rituals from the Dutch label Svartgalgh Records. He went on to release a self-titled EP through Wolfsvuur (Netherlands) and two more MCDs, Apparitions and Blood. Following that, he featured as being the only black metal band on the Brismetal compilation with "Apparition III" from the Apparitions EP. Another split was released featuring MOON, Nekrosov and Nekros Manteia called The Haunting Resonance (Fall of Nature Records), which received good reviews for exhibiting black metal's fringes with outside genres.

The new full-length Caduceus Chalice was released on limited-edition audio cassette through Wolfsvuur Records (Netherlands) in February 2010. It evokes the darkness of the underworld and necromantic summonings. It has the underground black metal sound like Elysian Blaze, Xasthur and Striborg.

MOON is currently getting together a new lineup to play more live shows in Australia.

You got a record deal now buddy. Maybe now you can afford a better camera. Also, I would never, ever, ever compare my sound to Striborg's. Sin Nanna has zero skills.

TRAP THEM - Vinyl & European Dates

2011-03-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

TRAP THEM kick off a European tour on Friday, April 1st, supporting Rotten Sound, alongside Gaza, The Kandidate, and Haust. The band will have their new release, "Darker Handcraft," on clear vinyl, exclusively on this tour. TRAP THEM have posted a tour diary of their recent trek to SxSW in Austin along with The Red Chord and Gaza.

"Darker Handcraft'" was released in North America on vinyl on March 1st, and on CD and digital on March 15th. Due to popular demand, the vinyl is currently being repressed on black, a transparent green and on a red and yellow mixed wax; the green and red/yellow mix are limited to 100 copies each.

TRAP THEM recorded "Darker Handcraft" at Godcity Studio with Kurt Ballou (Converge, Disfear, Black Breath). The album artwork and layout was done by Justin Bartlett (Sunn 0))), The Funeral Pyre).

Check out the band's European dates, along with US dates to Tejas in Chaos with Converge and Burning Love, here:

4/1 Karlsruhe, Germany - Stadtmitte #
4/2 Koln, Germany - Underground #
4/3 Rosswein, Germany - Juha #
4/4 Prague, Czech Rep. - Exit Chmelnice #
4/5 Bratislava, Slovakia - Randal #
4/6 Munchen, Germany - Feierwerk Kranhalle #
4/7 Salzburg, Austria - Rockhouse #
4/8 Mezzago, Italy - Bloom #
4/9 Rome, Italy - Init #
4/10 Zurich, Switzerland - Dynamo Werk 21 #
4/11 Paris, France - Glazart #
4/12 London, UK - Underworld #
4/13 Plymouth, UK - White Rabbit #
4/14 Colchester, UK - Arts Centre #
4/15 Tilburg, Holland - Roadburn Festival
4/15 Antwerpen, Belgium - Trix #
4/16 Sneek, Holland - Bolwerk #
4/17 Hamburg, Germany - Hafenklang #
4/18 Lyngby, Denmark - Templet #
4/19 Gothenburg, Sweden - Henriksberg #
4/21 Stockholm, Sweden - Debaser Slussen #
4/22 Turku, Finland - Klubi #
4/23 Jyvaskyla, Finland - Lutakko #
4/24 Helsinki, Finland - Nosturi #
5/20 Baltimore, MD - Otto Bar %
5/21 Philadelphia, PA - Broad Street Ministry w/ Drop Dead %
5/22 Cambridge, MA - The Middle East w/ Drop Dead %
5/24 Syracuse, NY - Lost Horizons %
5/25 New York City - Santo's Party House %
5/29 Braddock, PA - Unsmoke Systems w/ Drop Dead %
5/30 Chicago, IL - Reggies %
5/31 St. Louis, MO - Fubar %
6/2 Austin, TX - Chaos in Tejas w/ Rotten Sound, Gaza, The Kandidate, Haust, w/ Converge, Burning Love

TRAP THEM's sound combines elements of old school Swedish death metal, punk, and d-beat and take influence from bands such as Entombed, Black Flag, Nasum and Tragedy. The band has toured with the likes of Napalm Death, Disfear, Skeletonwitch, Victims, Rotten Sound, Toxic Holocaust and Every Time I Die, among others, and played the Scion Rock Fest, Maryland Deathfest and the New England Metal and Hardcore Festival. The band has previously released two full-lengths and several 7-inches and EPs between Southern Lord, Deathwish Inc and Trash Art.

How to Fix the Dreaded YouTube Black Screen

2011-03-23T07:24:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have encountered this problem. It's quite rampant on the internet, and of course Youtube Inc. has nothing public to say. Not to mention their "help forums" are pretty worthless. So what's the problem? A number of internet users, both Mac and PC, both Firefox and IE, have found that occasionally Youtube videos do not display. Instead of displaying, only a black screen remains. The audio works fine, there's just no picture at all, and oftentimes not even a tool bar at the bottom. Firefox users have sometimes found they can at least manipulate pause, volume, and view the timeline of the video, but that's all. What's the issue?

Well, since Youtube's not going to tell us and don't seem to really care, let me explain. This has nothing to do with cookies. This has nothing to do with your internet history. This has nothing to do with your "trusted" sites. Don't bother right-clicking on the video to bring up the Adobe Flash Player settings, because you'll just be taken to their site and a bunch of nonsense that explains little. Ignore all that bullshit because the problem can be corrected quite easily. Now, on a side note, it seems that a number of people have noticed that the problem arose for them after updating their Adobe Player. I can personally verify this is what happened to me, but I'm not sure exactly what the connection is in terms of the nitty gritty code that makes everything work. I'm good, but not that good, or actually I just don't care. Most have also found the problem went away in a few weeks, but who wants to wait? Here's how to fix it.

Now, first off, allow me to apologize to Mac users. I have no idea how it works on a Mac, so if you do or can figure it out based on my instructions here, please post in the comments below so I can update the blog for others. Anyway, here it is, real simple. ONLY FOR PC USERS. Click on "Start" at the bottom left on your computer screen. Next click on "Control Panel". Now you need to find "Display" and click on it. There are two ways to do this. 1. You can first click on "Switch to Classic View" on the left. Then click on "Display". 2. Or, if you prefer using the category mode, click on "Appearance and Themes". At the bottom you will see "Display". Click it.

Now that you've done that a little screen comes up that says "Display Properties". Click on the "Settings" tab. A picture with your computer screen and such will appear. Near the bottom right you'll see you can click on a button labeled "Advanced". Do it. A new screen with information about your computer and tech stuff will appear. At the top, click on the tab that says "Troubleshoot". Here you will be on the screen that enables you to manipulate your hardware acceleration. THIS is the problem. Switch it to NO ACCELERATION by moving the tab all the way to the left. Now click "Apply" and then click "OK" to exit the display boxes. That's it. You will now be able to view Youtube videos again with no problem. As a bonus, this also allows you to play older PC games that were built on Windows 92 and even earlier, so if you ever tried and found the sound was screwed up, as well as the graphics, adjust this same thing and you'll be able to play the classics. Any questions or problems, post here, but there's your answer!